Revised: "A Fighting Chance"

Hikari held back a sigh as she packed her karate clothes into her bag and grabbed her book bag from her cabinet. The sun was getting lower in the sky by the time she turned off the light to the locker room. She mentally kicked herself for staying as late as she did talking to the younger members. She didn’t mind talking to them, but in hindsight, she couldn’t remember anything they had said, which made it seem like nothing more than a distraction that kept her from going home.
    She stopped when she noticed the door to the Karate Club’s training hall was open. She couldn’t hold back the sigh. “I guess one of the first-years forgot to lock up again. What a pain.” Her musings were broken when she noticed the body lying on the floor. Setting her bags by the door, she walked over toward the body, seeing then that it was a boy. His arms and legs were sprawled out on the wooden floor, his mouth open wide as he snored. He must’ve been a first-year.
    She crouched next to him, noting how his brown hair was long enough to cover his eyes, and poked him in the cheek. “Hey, wake up. It’s time for you to go home.”
    He lazily opened his eyes and stared up at her. “What is it? Can’t you see I’m tryin’ to sleep here?”
    “That’s precisely why I woke you up, idiot. You need to go home. This isn’t a hotel.”
    “Right, right.” He sat up and crossed his legs, staring toward the wall that had their school’s name written on a scroll hanging from it.
    “Why are you even here?”
    “I’m a part of club, idiot.”
    Hikari’s brow creased and she had to hold herself back from punching him. “Are you now? I don’t seem to recognize you.”
    “Aww, I guess Princess Hikari can’t be expected to know all of her subjects.”
    Hikari felt her body heat up with anger. “Well,” she said through gritted teeth, “if you’re part of the club, you should know that activities for today are over. You should have gone home by now.” She waited for a response. When she didn’t get on, she sighed. “Why is it that you are sleeping here anyway?”
    “I lost again, so I just sat around and eventually just lied here and fell asleep. I guess I was more tired than I thought.”
    Hikari was taken aback for a moment. There was no way he could be serious. “’Lost again?’”
    He gave her an annoyed look. “You serious? You’re supposed to be the vice-captain. You’re duties do cover a bit more than just showing up.”
    “Yeah, I help the captain set up fights between members and sometimes other schools. Wait a minute, now I remember. You’re that idiot--”
    “Hey.”
    “--that challenges the captain every day. Of course, you lose every single time.” Hikari patted his shoulder. “Sora, right? To tell the truth, I almost feel bad for you.”
    “Gee, thanks, but if it makes you feel better it doesn’t bother me too much.”
    A few seconds passed in silence before Hikari asked, “Why do you bother challenging him every day if you just lose?”
    Sora turned around. “What should that matter to you? You didn’t even know my name up until a moment ago.”
    Hikari shrugged. “You do have a point, I suppose. I guess my interest was piqued.” She straightened up and started to walk toward the door. “If you don’t want to share I guess it doesn’t matter.”
    “Wait, I’ll tell you.” Sora coughed as Hikari stopped and turned around. A mischievous smile had spread across her face.
    She laughed. “Go on.” She folded her arms.
    Sora cleared his throat. “I guess it has more to do with a dream of mine to defeat the captain.” He pulled his knees a bit closer to him and propped his arms on them.
    “A dream to beat the captain, huh? Seems like a one-sided rivalry, though I guess the captain must be in on this since he agrees to it every day. A bit childish don’t you think?” She shrugged in an exaggerated, almost mocking matter.
    “Hmph.” Sora’s voice echoed throughout the training room. “I guess it would sound that way to you.”
    Hikari looked out the line of windows that faced the setting sun. The orange light that poured into the room was slowly darkening. “What more is there?”
    He stretched and stood up. A yawn escaped him as he walked toward the windows. “I was bullied a lot when I was younger. I was the weird kid in class, ya know? The kid everyone wanted to make fun of.”
    “And they don’t anymore?”
    Sora stopped for a moment so that he could glare her way. “They picked on me and that led to me picking fights.”
    “Fights you couldn’t win, huh? Let me guess, the captain eventually helped you. It does seem like something he would do.”
    He held his hands out in a kind of exaggerated shrug. “Yeah yeah. I wanted to be stronger and I wanted to fight him. So I challenged him”
    Hikari laughed a bit under her breath. “You lost didn’t you?”
    “Of course, but that didn’t really discourage me. You can see that even now. I doesn’t really discourage me though.”
    Hikari had a hard time believing what she was hearing. How could someone be so laid back? She thought of herself, how she took everything she did seriously. School work, her social life, studying, and even her club activities. She’d have probably been the captain by now if it was for Ryu’s strength and skill. She would become the captain once Ryu, a third-year, graduated at the end of the year.  Yet Sora seemed like someone who just skated through his decisions, not really giving much thought to anything.
    “I want to keep coming back to fight him every day. Until I win, I will keep challenging him. It gives me something to look forward to, to fight for.” Sora reached out toward the setting sun and attempted to grasp it in his palm. It disappeared behind a building, leaving the room in the dim light of twilight. Hikari thought that he must’ve been one of those kids who spent too much time watching anime.
    “It looks like your dream has escaped your grasp again.” Hikari picked up her bags and hefted them on her shoulders.
    “That’s fine. Tomorrow will come yet again along with another chance at getting my dream.” He smiled. It was a gentle smile and Hikari couldn’t help but feel a bit wistful at how enthusiastic he was.
    “Right, well I think it’s time we leave. It’s getting late.”
    Sora just nodded a response and slipped by her. She stared back into the empty room. It seemed so large to her as she slid the door closed.

    “A club, huh?” A first-year Hikari stood outside her classroom. She was staring up at the bulletin board she’d passed on the way out.
    “Are you thinking about joining one? You can join the photography club. We’re looking for members right now.” It was another girl from her class. Her smile was much to wide for talking to someone she didn’t really know. It irritated Hikari to see someone smiling for no reason.
    “No thanks. I don’t have time to do anything like that.” It was true. Outside of school and studying at home, Hikari didn’t have much free time. Her mother wanted her to maintain her standing at the top of the class.
    “Well at least take the flyer, just in case you reconsider.” Hikari took it but ended up throwing it away on her way out. Photography seemed too boring to her. If she did take a club, it would have to be more physical. Something that would break the monotony of sitting at the desk all day. With that thought, she sighed.
    “Something bothering you?”
    The voice startled her. She clutched her chest as she turned to face the speaker. Black hair that loosely fell in front of green eyes. The guy wore a smile across his square jaw. She noticed he was wearing a karate outfit. “Sorry, did I scary you?”
    “No…of course not.” Hikari snapped at him.
    “Sorry. You just seemed kinda down.”
    “Well, what business is that of yours?”
    “None, I guess, but I find it’s better to talk to someone if something’s bothering you.” He folded his arms and leaned against the shoe lockers.
    Hikari was taken by surprise. No one usually cared. “I guess I’m just a bit stressed.”
    “Ah, aren’t we all,” he laughed as though it was funny. “I find exercise is best for that. A good reason to be in a club right?”
    “I suppose.” Hikari just waved it off with a flick of her wrist. She hefted her back and started to leave before the boy stopped her.
    “You shouldn’t throw the idea aside so easily. Why don’t you join the karate club with me? You never know, you might actually be good at it.”
    Hikari turned and shot him a half-cocked smile. “Please, I know I’d be good at it.”
    The boy just laughed at her cockiness. “Then why don’tcha prove it?”
    “Hmph, fine. I will join and show you. I’m good at everything I put my mind to.”
    He walked past her and toward the entrance. “I look forward to seeing you. I have to go now, but I hope to see you soon.”
    Hikari turned as he walked past, “Wait…who are you?”
    “Ryu. I’m the captain of the club you just joined.”
    After that impromptu decision, Hikari quickly showed Ryu that she’d been right. She’d been slow at first but refused to let that keep her from doing better than those around her. She didn’t take second, except to Ryu. No matter what, he was always better. It did little to discourage her though, and she’d become the vice-captain by the time she entered her second year.
   
    After her conversation with Sora, Hikari had trouble concentrating on anything. His enthusiasm was somewhat foreign to her. It also had her thinking about some things. She remembered the reason that she joined as something of a challenge she’d received from Ryu. Why did she keep going back everyday though. She’d become complacent and let the club become a part of her life, an escape to get away from the hum-drum life of studying.
    She released a loud sigh as she lied down on her bed. “Why is it that that idiot‘s words are affecting me so much?” She posed the question to herself. “How can he just keep coming back every day? Is it really just because of that dream?”
    Sora’s words continued to play in his mind. Something to fight for. Hikari tried to think of something she had but couldn’t really come up with anything. Daily life was simple. Wake up, brush teeth, eat breakfast, go to school, go to the club, come home, eat dinner, study, brush teeth, and then go to sleep. Rinse, repeat. His losing streak continued every day yet he could keep fighting.
    It occurred to Hikari then that she might actually be a bit envious. “Jealous of that idiot? Maybe I’m studying too hard.” She rolled over and fell asleep.
   
    Hikari plopped her bags down into her cabinet, waving at a couple of the first-years as she walked into the training room where most of the twenty-one members were gathered. She had trudged through her normal school day and being in the club didn’t lift her spirits much more.
    She knew Sora would come back for the daily challenge, knew he would lose, but now she felt like she was looking for to it. Maybe she just wanted to watch someone actually fight for something. That’s when she thought to herself: maybe she’d let herself become too complacent. The challenge that the club had presented when she’d first joined had faded. It was now just a part of the routine.
    That depressed her.
    “Ryu!” the voice perked her up, “Shall we start our daily match?”
    “So you’ve come again, Sora?” Ryu had a smile on his face as he mocked his friend. “Yeah, let’s begin.”
    The two of them readied up in front of everyone and Hikari couldn’t stop herself. “Wait!” Everyone stopped and turned toward her. “I will fight you today Sora.”
    Sora just stared back at her, “Hikari? Why?”
    She couldn’t stop herself from smiling. She wasn’t sure why either, but she felt excited. “Well, if you can’t beat me then you could never beat our captain.”
    An arrogant smirk flashed across Sora’s face. “I suppose you’re right. Fine then, I accept your challenge.”
    “I hope you’re ready.” Hikari readied herself.
    “Always. Ichi.”
    Way too much anime. “Two.”
    “San-shine.”
    “Four.”
    Tension sparked through the air as the two of the yelled, “Go!”
   
   

Revised: "Casting Shadows"

   Aganie slapped the book shut and lowered the volume of her music. She looked out the window and toward the swing that hung in the backyard. She’d easily finished all of her homework not long after she arrived home and calling Midori was out of the question since she was busy with her family. She plucked the ear buds from her ears, absently wondering why she even bothered with them when she was the only one home. It would be at least another hour before her father returned home and her mother…
    Aganie pushed the thought from her mind as she walked over toward her desk and set the light novel she’d been reading down. She always fought hard to keep the memory out of her mind, but now it seemed harder to do. After a while, she came up with a distraction and pulled a notebook from a drawer. She tapped her pencil on the desk a couple of times before she finally decided on something.

    The first thing I remember is waking up in what looked like a hospital. There were white walls lined with white beds covered in white sheets. The, I can’t stress this enough, white light poured in through the windows gave the room a very…otherworldly feel. Now I know why.
    I opened my eyes slowly and looked around, regretting the little bit of movement instantly. Pain shot through my head and wincing only made it worse. It felt like that time I fell and slammed my head onto my desk.
    “So you’re finally awake.” It was a deep voice, almost bass in quality. “It’s been seven days. I was beginning to wonder.”
    “Seven…days?” I could barely find my voice.
    “Do you remember your name?”
    At the time, I thought it was a stupid question but it didn’t take me long to realize that I didn’t remember it. Everything was little more than a haze at the moment, and my memories were little more than shadows tucked away in the corners of my mind.
    “Doesn’t seem like you do. Oh well, that is to be expected.” He raised his hand and a pale lady walked up to him. She was wearing a nurse’s uniform…was I in a hospital?  “Go get Kage. We have someone for him to meet.”
    “Ye…Yes sir.” Why was she so nervous? I guess I wasn’t the only one that felt intimidated by this guy.
    I chose this moment to try and lean up. The pain had lessened, but that wasn’t saying much. I was tired of sitting. My short brown hair felt matted to my shoulders and neck and felt brittle. I ran a couple of strands through my hands. They looked burned.
    I pried my gaze from my hair and finally got a good look at the guy. Black overcoat, black pants, even black hair. He also had some long bangs that tipped off in silver covering his left eye like someone from some emo band. His blue eyes were the only thing that was different. His skin wasn’t as pale as the woman’s (or mine for that matter). He actually looked like he got some sun. “My name is Kain, but you shall refer to me as Captain.” His voice echoed in the small space. I didn’t have a voice to fight back with so I just nodded. I don’t think I had much of a choice in the matter.
    “You wanted me, sir?” Great, more people I didn’t know. This boy was different from Kain. Long silver hair ran down to his hips. He also wore black but he wore a vest and baggy pants. Where Kain looked proper, this boy looked rather laid back. Or at least comfortable. His voice wasn’t as tight as Kain’s, though it sounded stressed when he addressed Kain. His face didn’t have the…meanness that Kain’s had either. It was just stoic. There was nothing in his--
    Red eyes. One of the shadows crept forward in my mind when I saw them. The image playing around didn’t quite come to light but it was enough to strike me. Those eyes were familiar to me. Maybe it was that familiarity that caused me to blurt out “Itami!”
   
    Aganie paused for a moment. She was unsure of what exactly to write. She looked up at the shelf above her desk toward the picture of her and her mother three years ago. Aganie held up her normal peace sign with a wide smile, exposing a brilliant row of teeth. Her mother did much the same while draping an arm around her daughter’s shoulder. Aganie couldn’t keep herself from smiling as she looked at it. She looked so much like her mother, something that she prided herself on.
    The picture had been taken not long before the fire had burned their old home down. They’d been a happy family up to that point. Thinking about it always made tears well in her eyes, even after so long. She tried to push it out of her mind but couldn’t.

    I remember the heat. It was so damn hot. The pain was too much, and I’m not really sure how I was able to stay conscious through it. I blinked tears of pain away as I tried to grasp my situation a bit more clearly. My ears were ringing when I opened my eyes. Smoke clogged my lungs and pain continued to blur my eyes. I found out then why it was so hot. My house was on fire and I was lying underneath something that had fallen and pinned me down but I couldn’t really move to see.
    That‘s when I had the realization that I was going to die. Wow, I mean I was only sixteen. I hadn’t even had a boyfriend yet. I know it’s a stupid thought but it was just what hit me at the time. I hadn’t been in any clubs; I didn’t even have many friends. I had just lived a normal school life I’d thought. I went to school everyday then came home. No purpose or reason. With that realization, I let myself fade away. I stared at the flames in front of me. Was this all my life would lead up to? Was this my purpose? To just die?
    That’s when I saw them. Those red eyes staring at me through the flames. It may have just been a hallucination but they seemed real to me at the time. I could feel the glare the cast toward me and the room went cold. I shivered a bit but couldn’t look away from the eyes. For the first time since I’d left primary school, I wanted to call out for my parents. Slowly, my body grew heavy and my gaze was torn away as my head lulled down to the ground. Life crept out of my body, leaving behind nothing more than charred hopes and regret.
    Then came death. It’s one memory I wish I could let go of but I can’t. It creeps up on me some nights. Some people say it’s painless, but those people are lying. I remember the pain as I gasped for air, as the debris crushed me. Knives of pain shot through me and my chest felt like it was being crushed.
    Oh, and that white light everyone talks about? Yeah, that’s a lie. There is nothing. Because death is not the end like everyone thinks but looking back, I really wish it was.
   
    Aganie had always felt guilty after the fire. She and her father survived and, with the help of Midori and her family, had managed to begin anew. Things were never really the same between her and her father though. They didn’t talk or spend nearly as much time together as they had before the fire. He didn’t become an alcoholic or abusive. He became distant and always concentrated on his work. In a way, it felt as though he’d come to dislike being around his daughter.
   
    The memory had crashed into me so fast that I had forgotten where I was. I didn’t notice the two had stopped talking to stare at me until the boy said, “What?”
    “Itami. It’s my name.” I don’t know why I was so sure. Don’t get me wrong, I remember everything now, but then I couldn’t remember anything. My name had slapped me hard in the face, figuratively of course, along with the memory that had hit me. In that moment, I saw Kain tense up. Only for a second but enough for me to notice.
    After a moment of silence, Kain looked at the boy and said, “Well then, Ms. Itami shall be your problem for now. You will train her. I expect good results.” With that, Kain left us alone.
    The boy looked at me for about a minute, I could feel my face getting red from the scrutiny, before speaking. “My name is Kage. Kage Hikari.” Kah-geh huh? Maybe he was from Japan as well. His expression may have been stoic, but his voice sounded like he was trying to put me at ease.
    “Where am I?” My voice didn’t sound so meek now.
    He hesitated. “The infirmary.”
    “Oh yeah,” something else came back to me then, “I was in a fire.”
    Kage looked uneasy for a moment. He tried to hide it I know but it’s easy to see emotion on a face that usually has none. “What?”
    “I was in a fire. Did you two rescue me? You don’t look like firemen.”
    He lowered his head. “Not exactly. You see,” he looked away but his expression didn’t change, but his eyes started wondering, unable to look at me. It seemed like he was having trouble saying something. I guess he expected me to already know. “You’re dead.”
    “Yeah right. Please I’m sitting here talking to you. How can I be dead?” Apparently, denial makes us sound arrogant.
    “Look outside, you’ll see.”

    I was dead. What else could I be? At least that’s the only thing I could say now. The world here had a very different feel to it. I’m not sure how to describe it. It was the air; it felt heavier, harder to breathe. Maybe it was just the air. My body felt different too. A bit lighter, not weightless. It was more like I could move better after I’d recovered. More precise. At first, I didn’t want to believe Kage, but what else can I say?
    He told me that I was now a Shinigami. A death god of all things. I didn’t get a choice? Did they not even care what I think? Looking back, that was all I wanted: a choice. I didn’t get to live the life I’d wanted, make the choices I wanted (Not that I‘d really been making any choices). Up until my death, I suppose I’d been going through the motions. Only going to school, not really making any friends or joining any clubs. Just someone in the background. Now, even in death, I’m led down a road that I didn’t get to choose. With how things were going, I felt little more than powerless.
    I wondered just what was in store for me as Kage led me through the blinding white light.
    The world beyond didn’t seem that much different than home at first. We had been in a small bunker like building that looked like it was made from white stone. The other surrounding buildings were similar except much taller. It felt a little intimidating at first, like being in the middle of a big city. I‘d never seen any buildings that reached over three stories in height. I didn’t like it. Big towns always made me feel uneasy; they were too crowded and had too many people.
    I guess I looked uneasy because Kage asked me if I was okay. I nodded in response but I don’t think he believed me, probably cause I didn’t smile back or something. It also didn’t help that I most likely looked pale, then again, I always look pale. It was fine if he didn‘t believe me. I don’t think a person should take news that they had just died pleasantly anyway. He told me it would get easier, but I can’t say I believed him at the time. I still don’t think of it as easy. But then, life isn’t all that easy either.
    We walked into one of the taller buildings, and he led me down a long hallway filled with doors on either end. Apparently, this was a dormitory. His room was nothing more than a tiny just big enough for a bed, desk, a drawer and a chair. Sunlight poured in from a small window. As I was reveling how small the room was, Kage told me that I would be staying here with him for a while.
    “What?” I was more than a bit surprised. How could two people fit here?
    “It‘s all right, I’ll sleep either on the desk or just lean on the wall. I’m used to it,” was his light-hearted response. I think he was missing the point. Not only had I not had a boyfriend, I didn’t have much experience with talking to them. Now I had to share a room with one? I wanted to fight back but I couldn’t think of anything to say. “It’s only for a couple of days while we situate your room. You’ll be getting your own as well.” That put me at ease. At least I wouldn’t be here long.
    He pulled out what looked like a robe from the drawer and told me to follow him. We walked back down the hall. He eventually stopped and said, “Here’s the shower and a change of clothes. You can use today to rest but we start training tomorrow.” With that, Kage gave me some privacy.
    I spent a lot of time in the shower, the warm water rinsing away what little life was clinging to me. Death had set in. I wondered if I should cry as I leaned against the stall door. A little later, I decided to return to the dorm and sleep but only after the water had become cold enough to snap me out of my trance.
    I felt tired despite having been in that hospital bed for seven days. The bed accepted me graciously and felt almost like a cloud. I lied in the bed for a long time, staring up at the ceiling. Moonlight poured in and I wondered if there was a moon in the sky. I was barely aware that Kage was in the room, sitting in the window sill as he slept. Soon, I fell asleep as well.
    I did not expect to have was dreams, but one came to me that night. It was of when I was alive I assume. It was me sitting in class, the clattering of desks and chattering of students all around me yet I was all alone. When I was little, my parents didn’t let me go out much. They were afraid to let me run around too much without their supervision, fearing I might get kidnapped. I blame that for my shyness. I was never really good around people and because of that, I became the weirdo that sat in the back of the classroom, reading manga or drawing these weird things I’d seen in the forest. Demons maybe? I tried to tell some of the other girls in class, but that was met with, “You saw a what? Don’t you think you’re a little too old to be believing in things like that?” Later on, I just stopped talking to people all together and they returned the favor. No one liked what they didn’t understand. I guess I was one of those things.
    School wasn’t much fun. I didn’t join clubs nor did I have anyone to talk to. My grades weren’t bad but I didn’t care much about that. School was pretty much just something to do to me. There was no purpose, no reason for me to make that trek every day. So why did I?
    That pulled me from the dream. Life was still fuzzy to me but the little bit I did have didn’t seem too favorable. If that was the case, why did I feel like I missed life? Now I think it was because I never got the chance to change that. My life had been dull but it always seemed like there was plenty of time to change. Not anymore.
    Aganie sat in the back of the classroom and scribbled across the pages of her notebook. Midori walked toward the back and sat on top of the desk next to her. “You seem to be hard at work on something. Are you writing something else now?”    Aganie paused for a moment and looked at her friend, who flinched. “What’s wrong?”
    “What? Nothing’s wro…” Aganie trailed off.
    “Oh yeah, well if that’s the case, what’s with the dark circles under your eyes?”
    “That? Sorry I stayed up really late last night.”
    Midori frowned. “Aganie, it’s not about--”
    “No, it’s not. I’m fine. I just had a little trouble sleeping.”
    They sat in silence for a moment. Aganie avoided eye contact with Midori by staring out the window. Midori knew that it was still hard for her friend to be at home sometimes whenever she got like this. After a moment, Midori broke the silence between them. “Wanna come over tonight? You can stay the night if you want.”
    Aganie didn’t turn around. “Sure.”

    By the way, that place I had woken up at was apparently called Sanctuary. I don’t mean the infirmary either, I mean the whole place. The afterlife. Yeah, it did seem peaceful at the time but I still feel uneasy. My nerves never settled there and it always felt like something was weighing down on me. It was anything other than peaceful to me.
    The next day, Kage asked if I felt all right. I’m dead right? How do I respond to that? Either way, Kage led me through some kind of white light, a portal he’d made, and to a new…world. This new place was a lot different. The air was light here, and, for the first time since I‘d woken up, I felt at ease. Maybe it was because the atmosphere didn’t feel so charged. It felt halted, like time had just decided to stop, but at peace at the same time. Like one of those peaceful paintings of a landscape that you see hanging in a museum. A breeze caught the hood of my robe and quickly revealed my face.
    “Welcome to Purgatory.” Kage said. His face featured his, to me at least, trademark lack of emotion as he waved his arm at nothing more than a wide open pasture that was bordered to our left by what looked like a dense forest, the trees stuck so close together that sunlight probably had to fight to reach the ground. The pasture in front of us looked more like the surface of the ocean…well other than the color. I looked up to a pure blue sky blotted only by a couple of clouds. I closed my eyes and basked in the warm sun--
    Wait…Sunlight? I‘d just be going through the motions up till this point but that caught my attention. I searched for a moment until Kage laughed. If I wasn’t so preoccupied, I probably would’ve been surprised by his display of emotion. “Looking for something? A sun perhaps?” he said. That laugh was the only emotion he’d given. His face was more like a blank canvas waiting to be painted on…I take that back. His lips were curling up. Slightly.
    “There is no sun.” I guessed that much from the way he seemed to be laughing at me. “Where are we?” Why are we here?”
    “This is Purgatory. Kind of unsettling at first,” Didn‘t feel that way but I didn‘t have to heart to interrupt him, “but I feel a bit more at home here than I do in Sanctuary. I figured it would be good for you as well.” I guess he felt a bit more at peace here like I did. I could feel the heat in my face with that last remark. I‘d never had someone other than my parents show that kind of concern for me. “I brought you here to start your Shinigami training like ‘Captain’ Kain ordered.”
    “Shinigami?”
    “Yes. Shinigami are like a--how should I put it--police force in the afterlife. We escort the souls of the newly dead to the afterlife as well as protect them from certain…entities. You know, Demons.”
    I remember reading about them in textbooks. I thought they were just some myth created by people in the past. It seemed like more of my memory had come back without my knowing it. “I suppose I don’t get a say in this matter.”
    If Kage frowned, I couldn’t say. His expression became unreadable. It was like trying to read another language that you’ve never encountered before. “I suppose not.” He unsheathed a sword and tossed it to me. I jumped back as it landed at my feet. He formed another blade out of thin air as I pulled the one he’d thrown from the ground. “Let us begin.” Great

    Thankfully, the training didn’t last long. I was so tired by the time we finished, I wasn’t sure if I would be able to walk. Unfortunately, he told me that swordplay was the easy part. That whole trick where he formed a sword out of thin air? Yeah I’d have to learn that. Great. Something else I don’t want to learn. Why did I have to do this? Couldn’t someone else just take my place and learn all this stuff just as easily as I could? What made me so special?
    Those questions continued to bother me until later on that evening. I rolled over in bed and looked at Kage, who sitting in the window much like the night before. He was staring up at the moon with a wistful expression. I almost didn’t want to bother him. “Kage, can I ask you something?” He turned away, his expression becoming the blank slate that I was used to. “Why am I doing all this? Does everybody go through this?”
    He hesitated, “Most.”
    I’d caught his hesitation. “You’re lying. You know, I like to think I’m really good at reading people after all the time I spent drawing.”
    He sighed in response. “Well I guess there’s no hiding it from you. No, not everyone goes through this. Every now and then, we find,” he paused as he tried to find the word for it, “special souls. Apparently, these special souls are well suited to be converted into Shinigami.”
    “What makes me--them so special?”
    “I’m not totally sure. I know one of the signs is that they’re able to see otherworldly things--like Demons and us as well--when they’re alive. Most people can’t. If I’m right, it means that person’s soul is stronger than the average person’s.” I guess that explains all the things I saw behind my house. A memory of my mom telling me that I just had an overactive imagination popped into my mind. Sorry mom, looks like you were wrong.
    Remembering my mom brought along the pain of nostalgia. I could already feel the tears forming. Kage may have noticed because then he said, “Don’t worry about it for now. Why don’t you go to sleep now? It’s been a long day and it’s not gonna get any easier.” I gladly took his advice, wanting nothing more than to get away from the surfacing memories. Day by day, the memories of life were returning to me, but that did little to put me at ease.
   
    It felt good to get out of her home. Aganie sprawled herself out over Midori’s bed while her friend sat at her own desk. Home usually felt like a suffocating cage to Aganie. It felt much better to be at Midori’s than it did her own home.
    “How’s your dad been?” Midori said. She knew it wasn’t a great subject to be on but it was one she brought up often nonetheless.
    “He’s fine I suppose. He spends most of his time at the shop now, though that’s not out of the ordinary.” Aganie’s father ran a convenient store and spent most of his time working there. It seemed almost like he wanted to avoid coming home as much as Aganie did. It wasn’t a big deal to her though. He hadn’t made a big impact in her life before so why should he now? Aganie usually waved it off, but the truth was, she wanted him there. “Can we not talk about this right now?”
    Midori frowned as her friend turned over. “Yeah, okay.”

    When the sun finally woke me up, I looked around and found that Kage was already gone. With a sigh, I moved out of bed. I grabbed a robe from the drawer and walked down the hall toward the bathrooms. After a quick shower, I decided to look around for Kage. I pulled my hair into a ponytail, which barely managed to reach my shoulders, and put the hood on. I was shy when I was alive and I saw no reason for that to change in death. Kage must have had something to do because he was no where in the dorm. I decided to walk into the main building, but before I could exit, I heard a familiar voice.
    “Any news on that Midoriko Sakura?” It was Kain. I hugged the nearby wall. They must’ve been just around the corner.
    “She seems like an ideal choice.” I didn’t recognize the other voice.
    “The Cultivation Program seems to be running nicely.” I could hear the smile in his voice.
    “Kage is training the new one isn’t he? Is that a good idea? After all, I doubt he’ll be happy if he finds out about them. Especially since he’s friends with that one other Cultivated.”
    “The Hell-girl. Shinu wasn’t it?” Kain’s voice seemed distant. “No matter. I don’t much care what Kage does. For now, he will train the new Cultivated girl. It shouldn’t be too hard seeing as her soul seemed especially strong when I killed her.”
    The world beneath my feet wavered. I fell over and that’s when they heard me. Kain clattered around the corner. “Ah, it’s you.”
    “Cultivated. What do you mean ‘Cultivated?’” My voice was shaky.
    “So you heard all that did you?” His eyes bore a hole into mine. They had looked blue when we’d first met but now…I know why Kage’s eyes had shaken me. It wasn’t Kage’s eyes I remembered from the fire though. It was this bastard’s.
    “What am I?” I hope he felt all the anger I meant to project.
    “Nothing more than an experiment. A soul that’s especially strong. We can’t let strength like that get away so I had to,” he paused while he searched for a word, “recruit you.”
    My mind flashed back to the fire that had taken my life. It had started so suddenly, the beam falling at just the right time to trap me under it. “That was you.”
    “Why yes.” The way he talked you’d think killing someone was no big deal. “You see, I couldn’t kill you directly but if you were to die in something like an accident there‘d be no problem. I guess I was lucky there was a fire. I grabbed your soul before it could be damaged and dragged you through Styx, but I guess that didn‘t relinquish you of all your memories.” He grabbed my sleeve, “No matter. Why don’t we go take a swim right now?”
    I could barely feel my body but I knew I had to get away no matter what. I pulled away but his grip was like iron on my robe. He couldn’t take me. I wouldn’t let him. I yanked my arm hard enough that the fabric ripped. When I ran, Kain was left standing with nothing more than a sleeve.
   
    It was always Aganie sitting in the back of the room next to the window. The portrait of a lonely high school girl. She wasn’t some social butterfly. No, that was Midori, but at least she used to talk to people. Now, she just sat in the back and read during breaks whenever Midori wasn’t present, either due to student council duties or to go to the cafeteria for lunch.
    It was hard for Aganie to talk to people her age. Most people thought most of her interests were immature. All they cared about was make-up and boys. Not that Aganie wasn’t interested in those things, too, but they took more of a passive role in her life. So now, Aganie was labeled the weird girl, or “Midori’s friend,” and people tended to leave her alone. That was fine by her. She didn’t care much for the others in her class anyway.

    In the back of the classroom sat a lone girl. The rest of the class had gathered into small groups to eat there box lunches or had left for the cafeteria. But that girl sat only with herself, a small drawing pad in front of her. It should be easy to guess that that girl was me.
    I looked around, saw all the faces, and recognized each one yet knew none of them. In return, they didn’t no me. I was fine with that though wasn’t I? There was no reason for me to know these people right? So why did it hurt so much to be alone? Maybe I don’t really want to be alone, yet I didn’t know how to interact with these people.
    “Are you alone?” I turned toward the voice. A girl in the same sailor uniform I was wearing was staring back at me. She had brown hair like mine, though her hair was a bit longer, and a sliver of a smile on her face. I noticed her green eyes were looking toward the small notebook that served as my drawing pad. “What’s that?”
    I quickly covered it with my hand, “Nothing.”
    “Aw, don’t do that, it looked neat.”
    “Wha…really?” That was the first time anyone had had that response. “It’s just some strange animal I saw in the forest.”
    She studied it for a moment. “Seems to large to be an animal though.” That was the same thing I’d thought. She smiled “Oh! I got it. Maybe it’s a demon.” She laughed a little bit under her breath but stopped once she realized I hadn’t joined her. “Sorry. I thought that would lighten up the mood a bit.” There was silence for a moment before she tried again. “Why do you always sit by yourself?”
    “Because no one really wants to talk to the girl who reads manga and draws these weird…demons all day.” I felt a bit angry at her for not knowing even though it wasn’t her fault.
    “That’s not true. I’m talking to you aren’t I? C’mon, are you just gonna sit here and let life pass you by? If you just sit here and don’t assert yourself, you’ll be left with nothing more than regrets in the end.”
    “What’s the point?”
    “Point?” She crossed her arms. “There is none. There doesn’t have to be.”
    “Then why should I try to fit in?”
    “I didn’t say you had to fit in. You may not be normal to them but so what? This,” she pointed to the drawing pad, “is your life. This is normal for you right? There doesn’t have to be a reason for you to be you.”
    I stared back at this girl. Was she serious? Yet I couldn’t help but feel like she had a point. That made me realize something else. I wasn’t powerless. It wasn’t that I had no control, it was that I had chosen this. I made myself endure this loneliness in life, but now I couldn’t change that. I could change one thing though.
    After a moment, I looked up at the girl, “Who are you?”
    She smiled gently back at me and, I have to wonder if this was coincidence or just because I’d heard Kain say it, she said, “Midoriko Sakura.”
    Aganie sat alone at her desk once again. It was the early afternoon, just after school had let out. As usual, Midori was busy at school and couldn’t hang out, leaving Aganie all by herself yet again, but she didn’t feel lonely. Not as lonely as she felt she should have anyway.
    Imaginary friends are something that kids make up when they’re young to avoid being lonely. Aganie was no different, for the most part. She’d had one of course, and she eventually out grew it. After her mother died, however, she felt lonelier than she’d ever had. She thought it was weird that people would talk to themselves whenever they were thinking about something or were bored, yet she couldn’t stop herself from doing it. Eventually, she just tacked on a personality to this voice that she spoke to.
    Her shadow. That was how she thought of it at first. It was her, but not her. An opposite. Eventually, she started calling it, him, Kage. It became a voice of reason for her, like her conscience speaking out to her. If it wasn’t for it, she probably would’ve given in to her depression long ago. Thoughts of suicide followed her for awhile after her mom died but Kage always convinced her it was stupid. Always. It was there for her when Midori wasn’t and kept her sane through everything. It was a weird way of coping she knew, but it was a way that worked for her.
    Maybe it was because of Midori’s words, but even it was telling her to talk to her dad. How could she? “How?”

    When my eyes opened, I found myself in the familiar field of Purgatory. I dunno if that was a flashback or dream but it helped me gather my thoughts. Wondering how I’d managed to get here, I sat up and noticed that I had absently stumbled into the field where Kage and I had been the day before. I could see the swords we’d been training with stuck into the ground. Rays of sunlight poured down onto the meadow from the sunless sky.
    “You ran. Why Itami?”
    I knew who it was so I didn’t even bother turning around. Slowly, I stood up and walked toward the tree that our swords were standing next to. “Kage.”  Even knowing the real reason, I still had to ask. “Why are you here?”
    “I was sent to retrieve you. I’m asking why I have to come get you. Why did you run Itami?” That reminded me. He didn’t know about me. About any of the Cultivated. Kain must’ve kept Kage in the dark. But what about the Hell-girl? Wasn’t she his friend? Why didn’t he know?
    “Kage, this is no time to talk. Let’s get her and get back to Sanctuary.” A short girl walked out from behind the tree and joined Kage. I probably barely came up to Kage’s nose but she probably only came up to his chest. She was wearing a robe that had a hood, which was draped over her head.
    “You…You must be the Hell-girl,” I said.
    “I don’t think we’ve had the chance to become acquainted.” She didn’t smile. Her face was almost as stoic as Kage’s (if that’s even possible). “Shinu Shiro.” I’d have to guess that’s her name. Whatever. It’s not important.
    Kage. Shinu. Even me. We are Shinigami. We’re supposed to protect souls right? We protected life. Heck, in essence, I suppose we would be life. Though it seems that some of us are not entitled to life. Some of use are only given the choice to embrace death. Isn’t that why I’m here now?
    I wanted to hate all of them for what they’d done. I couldn’t though. The person in front of me was oblivious to whatever Kain had planned. Kage was being used the same way I was. Killing innocent people they viewed as “special” just so they could recruit more Shinigami. Maybe they needed more I dunno, but that does not mean the ends justifies the means. I couldn’t go back, would not go back.
    So you came to get me, huh, Kage? You and the Hell-girl. Kain sent you to get me knowing I couldn’t fight you. Kain’s plan wouldn’t work though. I would end this here. I looked around, trying to find it, knowing I had left it here. I found the sword planted in the ground next to the tree. I pulled it out. I saw surprise and pain flash across his face, before he quickly returned to his normal stoniness.
    “Kage, how did you die?” I said. My voice shook.
    I could see his face tense up. He wouldn’t look at me and his shoulders squared. “I don’t remember.” His voice also wavered. He was lying. Why?
    “Did you know Kain killed me? Caused the fire that took my life? He said I was something called a Cultivated. Just like Shinu.”
    “The what?” He turned back to his hooded friend. “Shinu, is she telling the truth?”
    It was the first emotion I’d ever seen flash across either of their faces. She looked…scared? Her eyes widened and she frowned. “Yes. I wasn’t really killed like she was but…” Why did she trail off like that?
    “So I won’t go back.” I pointed my sword at him. “You can’t take me back.”
    “Is this the way it‘s gotta be, Itami?” Kage asked.
    Shinu apparently had a scythe on her. Seriously, where did that come from? “Kage would you like me to handle this?”
    Kage motioned for her to stay back. “No, Shinu, it‘s fine.” He hesitated slightly as he went to pull his blade from the sheath. He readied his blade. This wouldn’t take long.

    I figured it wouldn’t take long anyway. Kage dodged and blocked as though we were still training. I felt like a four-year-old recklessly swinging a stick around at a bully who was trying to take her lunch money. It’s like he was holding back. Maybe he wasn’t as into this battle as he said.
    “Kage, stop messing around.” That was Shinu. She was standing in the shade of a tree. She blended in so well I almost thought she was no more than a shadow. “Finish this. Kain isn’t as patient as Mistress Izanami.”
    “Then let us finish this quickly.” That was me. I rushed forward, ready to drive the sword through Kage’s chest-except I didn’t want to. I couldn’t, but at the same time I couldn’t make myself stop. I didn’t hate Kage. He‘d become my best friend, my only friend actually, in the short amount of time I‘d known him. I didn’t want this. This probably seemed like little more than a tantrum.
    And then, our blades met.
   
    Blood. There wasn’t really all that much to tell the truth. Not at first anyway. Slowly, blood trickled down to the ground. Only it wasn’t mine.
    Kage had pulled back his blade at the last second and the sword came within mere inches of my chest, but his sword didn’t pierce me. So why were we stuck together? My blade hadn’t pulled back. I had charged forward and crashed into him. Now, the onyx blade was stuck just beneath his left clavicle.
    “You…asked how I…died right?” Kage said. He was trying hard not to wince. Actually, I think there was a hint of a smile on his face. A small one. “Suicide. I killed myself. It had nothing to do with them.”
    What? Why? “Then why do you work with them?” I stared at the tip of his blade, which stood only a couple of inches from my chest.
    “I…I…”
    “He has to. He has no choice. Just like you. Fight it all you want but you have to come back,” Shinu said.
    No. No I don’t ever have to return to that place. I won’t. That is my choice. I won‘t be used by Kain. I may have just let myself get caught in the flow when I was alive, but not now. “You’re wrong.” I pushed forward, plunging Kage’s sword through my chest. Yeah. It hurt. I mean bad. But I didn’t much notice it. “This is my choice. I won’t go back.” Not that I could. I don’t know if I had been impaled all the way through, but I think it got the job done.

    Everything fell away after that. My memory becomes fuzzy from that moment on, but I can still remember Kage slowly picking me up. He told Shinu to leave, or I think he did cause I didn’t hear much from her. “Where…are…yeah,” I managed to say. Stupid.
    “Just bear with me a bit longer.” His voice sounded strained. I wondered how his wound was. It couldn’t have been bothering him too much if he was carrying me through the woods. I hope I wasn’t too heavy…
    Something wet. Where were we? “Itami, I’m sorry for everything you had to go through.”
    “Kage, why are you apologizing?” I hope that came out right. I may as well have been drunk for how coherent I was.
    “I was your teacher yet I did little more than hurt you in the end. I’m sorry.”
    “Then do me a favor Kage,” I tried to remember her name, “Midoriko Sakura. Don’t let her become another me.” I felt like I was floating in water. Was there a lake in the forest?
    “Yeah okay,” I think he nodded. In my condition I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t sure exactly what I had set into motion, but I didn’t care. Kain’s “Cultivation Program” needed to be stopped and Kage was the only one I trusted at this point to stop him. He was silent for a minute. I reached up to touch his face. Were those tears? “I’m so sorry.”
    “This is the how it’s gotta be, Kage.” I couldn’t hold my hand up anymore. It felt back into the water. I suppose there really was some sort of lake.
    “Sayonara, until we meet again, dear Itami.” He let me go and I slowly descended into the water. My body wouldn’t move and I couldn’t respond, but I returned his sentiment.
    Sayonara, my shadow.

    Aganie tapped her foot, waiting for Midori to finish reading. She silently cursed at her friend for  being such a slow reader. Then again, not everybody spent as much time reading as she did. It wasn’t a habit she was too inclined to break either. The two of them sat with their desks together in the classroom. There were only a few more minutes left in the lunch break and Itami wasn’t sure if she could wait the rest of the day for the verdict.
    “Ah,” Midori finally flipped the last page and looked up at her. She looked a bit concerned, “Am I really that annoying?”
    “What?” Aganie felt her shoulders sag.
    “Midoriko. Did you think I wouldn’t notice?”
    Aganie shot her the look, letting her know just how annoyed she was. “That’s not the point, stupid. What did you think?”
    “Geez, calm down. I thought it was all right for your second attempt. I guess reading all those light novels helped a bit, but, really, did you have to make her draw?”
    “What’s wrong with that?”
    Midori laughed, “Please, Aganie. You can barely draw a good stick figure. What makes you think the Itami in here would do any better?”
    Aganie wadded a sheet of paper up and threw it at her friend, who only laughed in response. They sat in silence for a moment before Midori leaned over her seat toward Aganie. “Why don’t you show this to your dad?”
    “Like he’d want to see it.” Aganie turned away, laying her head on her desk and peering out the window.
    “You never know. I bet he’d really be interested. C’mon, Aganie, it’s worth a shot.”
    Silence. Then the bell rang, signaling the end of the lunch break. Through all the yammering of students and clattering of desks and chairs, Midori heard Aganie mumble, “Okay.”

Response to Ethan's "Spanish Moss"

The three boys featured in the story are worried about their entrance into high school and, as they view it, the adult world. To prepare themselves for the upcoming change, they decide to give weed a try. They sneak away to the creek where they have often met before and venture off so that they can’t be seen. The experience isn’t much for our narrator and he ends up feeling cheated before seeing a black object across the creek from them. They swim over and see that it’s a bag. Upon poking it open, an arm falls out and the boys dart off, never telling anyone or returning to that section of the creek again. The boys then grow up, with one friend moving away and never speaking to them again.
    I think the way you characterized your characters was well done, from the scared boy Blake constantly taking glances to the uncaring Tommy who never shut up to the narrator who seems a little more mature (or perhaps just arrogant) for his age. Though a bit cliché in their antics at times, the characters felt believable and real too. Their need to fit in and fear of the transition to high school is very relatable. I guess the one thing I’d like to see added is more on the events following their discovery of the bag at the creek. Their friendship seemed to deteriorate  after these events but we don’t really get to seem much of this. They seemed so close before so one friend just up and moving and never talking to them again seems a bit strange, even with all that’s happened.

Response to Robert's "As Big as Light"

The story is told from the point of a man whose memory has begun to wane with his old age. One of his doctors tells him that he should begin writing things down in order to help him remember. He chooses to start his story with the time he was working in the Huxley household as a servant. He is acquainted with the young man of the house, Adrian Huxley, who seems to be a brilliant artist. Adrian is at constant odds with his father and the narrator finds him one night in front of the house. The two discuss Adrian’s mother’s impending death and how he is always fighting with his father. This ends with a suicide threat from Adrian which the narrator no more than waves off. This strikes Adrian and he begins talking about a memory of him and his mother. He asks her how big a person can be and she eventually answers him “as big as light.” The narrator and Adrian share this moment then return to their respective rooms. The mother dies soon after.
    I really liked the point of view you told the story from. While the narrator seemed earnest, some of the details were fuzzy, not because he was dishonest but because he couldn’t really remember them with 100% certainty. I found it to be very unique. I also thought the opening lines about aging were really well constructed.
    That being said, I wasn’t sure of the real arc here. I assume the change comes from the talk Adrian and Dean were having. I’m guessing Dean changes Adrian with his response toward Adrian’s suicide threat? I wasn’t too sure, but that may just be me.

Response to JJ's "A Dream"

The story follows a stoner through a rather rough dream sequence (or I should say nightmare). It shows him rather unfavorable events of his life. He begins to drown in strange liquid before waking up in a cold sweat in the afternoon. He sees that he has received a text from a friend and decides to go to his home to get high, an act he seems to do often and beats himself up mentally for it. While he is high, his mind rushes through his flaws and he seems to be deep in thought. This leads him to calling an old friend and getting high with her. He contemplates many things while in this state but ultimately doesn’t act on anything. He goes to sleep afterward, not really dreaming much but when he does, he has another moment like the one earlier: one of clarity. Upon waking, he writes two more stories based on his dreams.
    I think you did very well in terms of imagery. The details with the weed were very knowledgeable to say the least and you never left us wondering. I also really liked the dream imagery at the beginning. The dialogue used also felt very fluid and the streams of consciousness that Gabriel spilled out when he was high was very well done in my opinion. 
    The only thing that really bothered me was I was a bit confused on who was talking sometimes. Adding a couple of dialogue tags would easily remedy this situation. Also, maybe a little bit more detail of the setting would help as we don’t know much about it. Gabriel just seems to move from one place to another but we don’t really see much about these places beyond one place has a TV apparently.

Response to Lauren B's Dreams and Reality

Luke is an athlete that everyone from his school admires and looks up to. He has big dreams of one day leaving the farm he’s grown up on behind and becoming a college baseball player. This dream isn’t given a lot of support from his father at first but Luke is determined and, without telling his parents, he journeys to Mississippi to tryout for the baseball team there. The coach gets to him with some words and he has trouble maintaining his concentration throughout the tryout. He finally calls his friend and decides to return home after failing in the tryout. He realizes that without his family supporting him, he is nothing.
    I actually liked how the story ended with him not doing well like one would believe him to and with him having to return home. The emphasis on the bonds of family was really appreciated, at least by me. That being said, the tryout and change feel like they happened really fast. He realizes he really isn’t much without his family but there is nothing there in the tryout to really reinforce this point. I’d like to see him thinking about something the dad had said or something pertaining to the family (or really the father as he seemed to make the biggest impact in Luke’s life).You could also maybe flesh out the father and son relationship a bit more beyond where they talk about Luke’s aspirations.

Response to Taylor's "Aveux"

This story is about a man named Vince who seems to have gone down a path of depression and loneliness in the past few years. He seems to trust no one but his daughter and his dog. After tucking his daughter in one night, a woman by the name of Erica comes to see him. They talk but this talk quickly turns into an argument. She runs into her room, shouting a suicide threat, something that she apparently does a lot. She eventually breaks down and the two have sex. Later on, she leaves with something of his but Vince thinks nothing of it, thinking she’d only taken her clothes. At church the next day, Vince goes outside and is arrested later on due to Erica’s suicide as she had stolen his gun the night before. Two years of trials finally show that he is found not guilty, and he struggles to put his life back together by writing a book about his struggles. His daughter loses respect for him and in an attempt to regain this he moves them to Paris.
    I liked how the daughter continued to be an important thing in Vince’s life. No matter what really happened to him, his love for his daughter never faltered. That and how the French phrase that the daughter learned continued to come back into play and acted as the daughter’s anchor. I really liked the line Vince shouts out about life being like a Nicholas Sparks novel.
    At times, I felt as though the protagonist was a bit over dramatic. I also would have liked to see more of the conflict between him and his daughter at the end along with more about his attempts to mend their relationship since she played a major role in his life.

Response to Kody's "Whatever Gods May Be"

The story follows Thomas Abrams as he becomes the preacher (or pastor) of  Pinewood Christian Church. He is a bit nervous at first but he falls into the routine eventually. Later on, he and his wife start to expect a child and this causes Thomas to launch into a study of the Bible’s fathers. After studying Abraham, he calls up a friend and discusses their faith a bit. His studies continues and doubts arise in Thomas. These studies and other events in his life put a lot of strain on his faith. Eventually, he makes a not so favorable sermon that leads him to leave his post the next as he seems to have lost his faith by the end. His son is born soon after and they name him Thomas.
    I thought you handled the arc very nicely and I liked how you showed a subtle change at first, with the sprouting doubt leading up to the eventual renouncement at the end. It made it feel believable. Also, this is just a small thing, but I really like the line Bert says, the “No, the truth has always been there. We just get closer to discovering it.” Don’t really have a reason as to why I liked it, it just stuck out to me.
    The major issue I had with the story is that the paragraphs just seemed a bit long, with some covering over half a page and the longest one being a page. It made the story feel a bit tiring to read and slow. With that, there were some details that were a bit unnecessary, one example being “The swing in the gazebo swung itself to a stop”.

Response to Cole's "Secret Park"

The story revolves around a man who is about to turn thirty and has reconnected with two old friends from high school to try and get himself into better shape. They decide to put the narrator through a routine at an old park they used to frequent. The narrator seems to be at least a bit surprised at the activity the park has gained over the years since it seemed to have gone unknown for a long time. His friends arrive and he spends most of his time either jogging around the track or doing either sit-ups or push ups. By the end of the routine, the protagonist is exhausted and seems like he is ready to keel over when he notices his friend lying on the grass. The narrator finally collapses to his knees in the grass but not from exhaustion. We see that his friend has collapsed from anaphylaxis.
    I found it peculiar that the protagonist rattled off random city names (which quickly became the names of actors) to get himself through the final part of the routine. A rather…interesting quirk. I liked some of the descriptions the narrator gave while going through the exercise, such as “my heart started to pound against my stressed lungs, struggling to feed my body more oxygen.” It really made me feel how grueling this routine was for him.
    The story felt like it ended rather abruptly. I didn’t really see much off an arc and the ending felt like it was cutting off at the halfway point. Also, I’d like to see more about how the park played a role in the characters’ lives. It seems to become nothing more than a backdrop before too long. This could go along with maybe a bit more background for them. They seem like they were good friends but seem to have grown apart. Why?

Response to Jessica's Untitled

Andy, the main character in this story, is staying up late trying to write a story for her class the next day. She seems to have trouble focusing and has yet to type anything, the Word document in front of her being little more than a blank page. To add to this, she seems to have trouble coming up with any ideas to make an interesting story. She wanders the kitchen, makes a list for groceries, but ultimately just stares at her computer. This writer’s block forms the main conflict of the story as she paces around the kitchen. She is met by one of her more unpleasant roommates and entertains the idea of writing about an irritating roommate, but this idea only lasts a second before it is scrapped. YouTube and TV hold her attention for the next few hours as she continues to procrastinate well into the morning. She finally decides to write on her experiences that night, writing about a girl named Jess who couldn’t write a story. It goes untitled (much like the actual piece) and Andy hands it in at the end.
    I liked the main character, Andy, and just the situation in general. It’s very relatable. Her (rather comedic) methods of procrastination are actually quite similar to mine. I also really liked the ending and the girl that Andy chose to write about (I found it humorous).  Also, I found the line she quipped to her roommate rather funny. Don’t know why just did.
    One issue that stuck out to me was the way time passed in some instances. The jump from the beginning’s eleven to two o’clock seemed rather drastic. Maybe that is just me though. It seems like she spent a lot of time walking around the kitchen and the encounter with the roommate doesn’t seem like it would have taken that much time.

Response to Once in a Lifetime

The story was about a girl who is looking back at a time of her life. She remembers seeing the members of a family that her family was friends with off. Years later, the same family friends return and ask to live with the narrator’s family. The girl has to give up her room, something she isn’t too excited about at first. The family arrives and the girl and her parents are amazed to see how much they have changed. The friends have become more “American,” which the girl and her parents aren’t too happy about. She sees the boy she’d known years before and notices how much he’s changed over the years. She becomes enamored with him, causing her to forget all of the other crushes she’d have since then. As the days pass with the house guests, the host family becomes more irritated with the way their guests have become: self-indulgent and wasteful. The narrator is eventually taken out to the woods behind, where her friend reveals that his mother is actually dying. She breaks down crying but never tells her parents. Eventually, the other family moves out and the girl’s family never learns about the mother’s illness.
    The story was told from first person, a nice perspective which gave great insight to the girl’s personal thoughts and just how awkward she felt with the other family invading her home. There are long paragraphs taking up the bulk of the story with lots of details. The detail is nice but at the same time it can at times be a bit excessive and starts to feel a bit tiring the further you read through the story. It also seems strange that a story written from an Indian perspective makes very few cultural notes when they say that the other family has become American. 

Response to Cary's "Meow"

I assume the story is about an autistic boy named Cyril. At the beginning, he is in someone’s home (a person he apparently knows) uninvited. He is abruptly kicked out soon after the beginning of the story. He wonders down to the Captain D’s restaurant, counting each step along the way, all four hundred steps. He meets his friend Earl there at the restaurant and the two sit together outside while Cyril eats and Earl smokes. Earl tells him to go find the stray cat that stays around the restaurant, Jimmy-cat. Cyril finds the cat behind the dumpster with strange things crawling around on its stomach. He becomes scared and calls for Earl as he counts to himself. We find out from Earl that Jimmy-cat has had kittens, making it more of a “Jasmine-cat.”
    I think you chose a very creative stand point to tell the story from. It’s very similar to The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime (the way the main character continually counts when he’s nervous or to keep track of things made me think about it) which tells its story in the same way. It made for a very unique way to tell the story and gave an interesting view point. 
    To tell the truth, while I thought the way you told the story was very interesting, I was unsure of the change that occurred within the story. The biggest change seems to occur to the cat but I don’t really see how the main character changed at the end, though this may just be because he still called the cat by a boy name and didn’t really seem to acknowledge what Earl said about it’s gender, but I think the biggest change would occur when the cat has its kittens.

Response to Laurel's "Perfect"

The story is about a very unlikable girl who didn’t like the person she’d been in high school so she decided to change herself. She was apparently successful (in a way) and became a very arrogant person. Extroverted and talkative, the protagonist thinks everyone loves her but we see that is not the truth and people instead shy away from her and don’t much care for her company. The girl is unaware of this up until the end when it dawns on her. She calls her old best friend and decides that she wants to change back or at least change into a person that she can like and is liked.
    I really think you present an unlikable person very well. I didn’t much like her but I think she was presented well at least. Her arrogance was very clear from the very beginning and it was obvious that the change she had made and the girl she’d become was not good. She was so deep into her fantasy she didn’t see who she was until the end. It made you feel a bit of pity for her disillusion and I really hope she does change for the better.
    Throughout the piece, you made extensive use of italics. At first, I thought these were thoughts and wondered if they were why were they in third person. They seem like they are linked to her thoughts but at the same time are told from an outer perspective. I’d take the italics out and change it to normal text and maybe through in a couple of tags for such thoughts.

Response to Rhamah's "Cats"

The story follows a person who is working in a cat store called Kitty City. It opens with the protagonist and what I’m guessing is the boss (the Cat Lady) observing how shameful it is that six kittens have been abandoned by their owners at such a young age. The reverie is broken when a couple and their daughter come into the store. They wonder around and look at all the cats, their daughter poking her hands into each cage as she passes. They stop at one cat’s cage (Lily) and almost pick her until they notice she only has one eye. The story ends with a young boy coming to find a cat. He almost chooses to take Lily until she attacks him.
    I liked the sort of sarcastic tone that the protagonist speaks in during the story. There are several spots where you can feel the “Yeah right” in the voice. I also liked the attention to detail with the cats. The image of hair everywhere and the constant smell of crap was presented well. I also liked how you compared the kid’s fingers to sausages as she reached into the cats’ cages.
    I really didn’t see the change in the story. I figured it was about the person working there, going through the motions of their everyday job. I didn’t really feel the conflict and change in the story at any other time than when Lily attacked the young man. Despite the conflict this caused, I didn’t really see much of a change in the protagonist. They seemed little more than scared by the cat’s outburst. I’d suggest maybe adding a little more to the story because it seems like it ended too abruptly.

Response to "Incarnations of Burned Children"

The story starts off as a peaceful normal day until a shrill scream cuts through the air. The Daddy (as the man is referred to throughout the entire story) rushes in to check on the noise. He finds his child wailing and the Mommy trying to calm the baby down. The Daddy pushes her aside and tends to the baby, which is where we find out that scalding water had been dropped onto him. The story flows as a constant stream of events. Long sentences filled with conjunctions makes up most of the story and the entire three page story is only one paragraph long. The way the story rushes through the story helps build a sort of tension in the reader. The characters are never truly named other than with words such as Daddy and Mommy which gives the story a type of disconnect that I think works. There is no dialogue in the story, which adds to this. The only time we hear anything about speaking is when we hear about the mother says “their God’s first name.” It makes the situation the parents are in seem much more urgent. The Daddy skims over some details but the detail put into the wounds that the child has received it very clear. We see the child’s skin turning pink from where the scalding water had washed over him. The child’s screaming becoming hoarse as the parents realize that the water had spilled into the diaper. The Daddy then picks up the baby to rush him off to the ER. He leaves with the baby, “burning rubber” from his tires as he speeds through town, leaving the door to his home swinging open as he rushes out. The Daddy seems to be very annoyed by the Mommy’s inattentiveness and the fact she allowed the baby to be hurt.

Response to Nate's "Summer of Lemon Drops"

The story is about a young man who is put into community service. He goes to the beach every night to find sea turtle nests and put grates on them to protect the little turtle eggs from raccoons. His dreams of going to New York to intern are shattered by these turns of events. Every night, he is assisted by a man named John, a man who seems to have a very happy-go-lucky attitude towards his job. Our narrator isn’t too happy but has no real choice but to grin and bear it. One night, the two of them find a treasure chest full of gold but as they are carrying it back, John reveals it is just lead painted gold. The boy laments as he takes a couple of lemon drops.
    I really liked the voice in this piece. I loved the sarcastic nature of the narrator and the way he believed there to be only two types of faces in the world. I really liked the line comparing Cairo and Cape Canaveral, as well as the part talking about the mosquitoes (I found it a bit humorous). I also appreciate how the “treasure” at the end turned out to be nothing more than a practical joke.
    A couple of things stuck out to me. There were a couple of tense issues that confused me a bit. I really didn’t see the conflict nor a real resolve to the story. The narrator never really seemed to change, he only seemed to be going through the motions as he counted down the days to his freedom. The only real point of conflict seems to be at the end with the treasure and that does little to change the young man.

Response to Adam's "Animals"

The story follows a young man who had stolen a jacket from a souvenir shop in Italy and gifted it his sweet girlfriend upon his return to the States. His girlfriend’s, Jenny’s, innocence and disappointment in his theft makes him want to change and he does for a while. He stops drinking, smoking, and stealing just for her and to try to live up to her standard. This goes awry when his sister is killed in a car accident and he quickly returns to his vices. He’d tried hard to build up good morality but it quickly went down the drain and caused a bit of a rift to grow between him and his girlfriend. Jenny shows up one night and reveals that she has stolen some earrings. The act of stealing, something that had once excited the young man, left him in a state of disgust for a reason he didn’t understand.
    I actually liked the protagonist in the story despite all of his faults. I liked the fact that he at least tried to give them all up for his innocent, pure girlfriend. It’s clear to me that she makes a big impact on his life if he wants to try to hard to give up his vices for her. I also liked how he didn’t embrace her theft at the end of the story, showing us that he’d changed.
    Something I would like to see more of is the protagonist’s family. Maybe show a bit more back story with them to explain why he took up those vices in the first place or to show just how close to them he is. I think it would help in understanding why he went into the downward spiral so hard near the end.

Response to Taylor's "Losing Sincerity"

The story is about a young man who has been promoted to a supervising position at a hotel. He talks as though his a normal guy just wanting to enjoy a normal college life, with things such as dating and partying, just like his fellow employees. He began dating a fellow employee the night before the story begins. The night covered in the story is the night of a huge event that is being held at the hotel. Most of the conflict in the story come from the huge party that the ballroom at the hotel doesn’t have the room for and the raging guests both in the ballroom and the others lined up outside. The party and the night eventually winds down and the sense of normalcy sets in. The story ends with Brad (the narrator) getting a drink with his girlfriend.
I really liked the voice in this story. It was casual and easy for the most part and they flowed like an actual stream of conscious rather than someone writing something down. This is accentuated at times when the narrator says something like “Oh well, screw it.” I also liked the easy-going dialogue between the characters in the story along with the little bit of background you gave to some of workers that are (I assume) closer to Brad.
As I stated earlier, the voice was very easy going yet it seems to be very proper at the same time, more so later on in the story. The use of contractions is pretty much nonexistent toward the end and it breaks up the flow a bit. Another thing is I had trouble telling who was speaking a couple times in the story, such as the part after his talk with Alyson, when he goes to the bar and speaks to Connor. I was also unaware of how the narrator changed by the end of the story. He just seemed to have gone through a hectic night at work.

Response to Jessica's "For the Love of the Game"

The story starts off looking like it is about a baseball player by the name of Joel Johnson but this is quickly thrown off by an “I” who is watching the game. This narrator seems to be watching the game, picking up all the little details about the pitcher as the high pressure game slowly draws to a close. As the game is drawing to a close, we find out that it is not a real game but an old VHS recording of a 1985 game. Lindsey (the narrator) is caught watching her father’s game yet again by her mother. We find out the father has not been present in her life as he chose a professional career in baseball rather than staying with his family. Lindsey has plans to go see her father at a game and finally meet him, but upon going to the game, she is unable to see him play or even see him afterward. She then finds a note that says her father was there but didn’t want to meet her without her mother present. The story ends with Lindsey looking forward to her meeting with her father.
I really liked how deeply immersed in the game the writing was at the beginning. It really got across the tension and the gritty nature of baseball (with all the clay and dirty uniforms and the like). I liked that we didn’t find out that this game presented was not a real, current game until about midway through the story. Finally, I liked how the ending didn’t show a complete resolution but rather a road to a resolution.
Something I would like cleared up earlier on would be Lindsey’s age. I pictured her as really young toward the beginning (probably because she calls her mother “Momma”) and I was unsure of her age pretty much until the end.

Response to Cole's "The Grind"

The story is about a young man, I’m guessing fresh out of college, getting ready for an interview as a writer on a television show. He looks back on his life with writing that has brought him to this point. The main point of conflict that is presented is this young man’s struggle to get his start in the writing world. His attempt to get hired is the story’s focal point. All seems to be going well until the young man sees that life as a writer (for the show that he is applying for anyway) isn’t what he thought it would be. Seeing this causes a change in the protagonist, who lashes out and leaves, effectively ending the story.
I liked the ending. It was nice to see how you didn’t end with Skipper getting the job and everything was sunshine and rainbows but instead you looked past the supposed glamour that is show business. The perspective fit well and I liked how observant your narrator was of the other people before his interview, as well as his own actions in trying to keep himself busy while waiting. I really liked how he showed concern over whether or not Martin had ran his hand over his hair before he shook hands with him.
One thing that bothered me was a couple of cliché lines during the interview with Martin, such as the “Is that alright if I call ya Skip?” and how he asked about Skipper being Jewish. This chat between Skipper and Martin seemed to lack the professionalism you had set up.

Response to Kody's "Over the Counter"

The story is about a father of three kids (two boys and a girl) who is having trouble making ends meet. He is met with a letter of foreclosure and begins to worry about the future of his children and himself. This is the driving force of the whole story but not really the big conflict. The big conflict comes when he is given the opportunity to sale drugs from the pharmacy he works at on the street. He is torn between going against his morals so he can pay for his home or to uphold them and (most likely) be evicted from his home along with his children. A difficult decision but in the end he decides that his family is more important and steals the drugs to sell.
I really liked how you got the weight of the situation across, especially in the beginning. I really liked the line “each letter hit my eye like a typewriter’s hammer.” It gave the reader a sense of just how desperate the situation was for the protagonist. I also liked how you went through how everyone sees something like a foreclosure happen on TV but no one expects it to happen to them. It made the story a bit more relatable. I did also like how the protagonist looked back at how he’d always been on the good side of the law as he considered stealing the medication.
I didn’t really like how you compressed the conversation with Tim in the bar. It seems like it is such an important scene yet it feels like nothing more than summary in its current form. That section could probably be expanded to at least a short conversation while the call in the car could probably be condensed in same way.

Response to Robert Elrod's "Pretend"

The story opens with an older man who was sitting at a secluded gas station between Phoenix and Albuquerque. He seems to be awaiting in anticipation for something as another car pulls into the lone gas station. The man grasps the gun in his pocket, loaded with blanks (a “glorified noisemaker” as he calls it) and walks toward the car as it pulls in. The driver is a young woman. The man, while planning to rob her, asks her if he can pump her gas. This is part of the main conflict. The man had wanted to feel alive again and seemed to be going through a sort of “mid-life crisis” as pointed out early on, yet he couldn’t bring himself to do it and ends up pumping gas for her instead. He is angry with himself as he performs the task he volunteered for. He meets the young lady’s son during this and soon after has a short talk with the young woman. The gas finishes pumping and he sees them off, seeing the young woman with her child as a thing of beauty.
    I really enjoyed the personality you put forth in the writing. It was third person but it was told in a very casual way and it made the story a very easy read and helped with the flow. I also liked the use of beauty and the way it was present throughout the story. The man saw beauty in the sky and in the young woman and child pair that he met.
    I was unsure how the man really changed at the end of the story. He stares at the sky as the woman drives off much like he did before she drove into the gas station. I guess this has something to do with the fact that the robbery scenario was somewhat forgotten, only being hinted at as he gives the young boy the candy he’d bought earlier.

Response to Lauren Barkley's "Winter's Chill"

The story is about Mr. Smart, the director of the only funeral home where he lives. His works apparently kept him very busy and he took his job seriously so that he could provide for he and his wife, Clara. The beginning opens up with him leaving for a job as his wife warns him of the icy roads, to which he gives an irritable response. It immediately jumps back to the point in the story that causes the major conflict. Mr. Smart finds a message to his wife that leads him to believe that she is cheating on him. He is understandably upset but his wife avoids the confrontation by saying it was only a family member. He doesn’t pursue the matter any further as he is called on a job. Clara sees him off, worried about how distraught her husband is. She awaits his call but when she is called she is informed that her husband had hit a tree.
    I liked how you got into the characters’ heads with thoughts often. It seemed to me like you were showing a rage that Mr. Smart kept bottled in. His thoughts seemed to be things he wanted to say but chose not to while what he actually said was more of a toned down version of it though he still sounded irritable.
    I didn’t feel as though there was a clear cut resolution to this story. The husband ended up dying in the end, which didn’t feel surprising. I would have actually liked to see more confrontation between the two about the text message he finds on Clara’s phone rather than him just driving off and dying in a car accident. Also, instead of just telling us she’s “frisky” in one paragraph, why not use a flashback to show it and to foreshadow her supposed fickle nature. 

Response to Ethan's Holes Full of Dirt

The story is about the narrator, named Jeremy, trying to impress a girl, by the name of Ashlyn. He has known her since he’s been in high school. He seems to have a bit of a crush on her, but she does not return these feelings. She seems to have another boy in mind. This plays out as one of the main conflicts of the story and is what drives the boy to do the work on the road later on. Another conflict arises from this when the truck he is using to move dirt becomes stuck in a ditch. This causes him to feel like Ashlyn will never return those feelings for him, at least not because he repaired the road. He finally sees that he must get his dad for help, and Jeremy and his father manage to remove the truck from the ditch.  His father tells him he isn’t angry with him. Jeremy sees that his father is not angry but proud to see that he had given some effort.
    I really liked your use of first-person in the piece. The way Jeremy spoke was much like inner musings put into a cohesive form. I liked how you showed Jeremy freaking out about the truck and thinking “I [can] fix this.” The perspective used in the story is supported well by the dialogue, which had personality to it. I really liked the use of “dude” and “man” in their speech, typical of most high school students.
    I would like the see the story be a bit longer. The ending felt a bit abrupt and I was a little unsure on whether or not Jeremy had really changed by the end of the story. Did he still like Ashlyn and want her to like him or was he giving up on her?

Response to Adam Smith's Story

The story opens up with a woman, named Lucy Delamar, wanting to adopt a young girl. She adopts young Margaret, a girl who’d been abandoned in a carriage years before and brought there. Margaret is at first excited to start her life with her new found mother but she soon finds herself caged in her adoptive mother’s home. Lucy cages her in, stating that the outside world is full of “wolves.” Margaret begrudgingly accepts this caging and puts up with it for the next eight years. The main conflict here is, when Margaret is fifteen, she yearns for escape from her small cage, avoiding her captor whenever she can, but she is rarely allowed to leave the house (save for school). Her chance at the escape comes from a boy she meets named Marcus, but when she is finally able to leave she see that her mother was right about the wolves that exist in the real world. By the end, Margaret’s views of the world seemed to have become similar to her mother’s after witnessing the violent scene between Marcus and some girl.
    I thought the story was told pretty well and I really liked how her mother’s concept of the wolves kept popping up even until the end. Lucy’s paranoia (especially her distrust of the Germans) fit the time period too. I also liked the difference in Margaret and Marcus’s dialogue. Margaret seems to speak in a more refined way compared to Marcus, the normal kid from the outside world.
    One thing that caught my eye was an inconsistency with Margaret’s name. A couple of times she is referred to as Marguerite, which I was unsure if maybe that was a full name or just a mistake as it is in there a couple of times. Also, the girl being found abandoned is a bit cliché. You could say that Margaret had become an orphan due to the war. Cliché as well I know but it does fit the time period.

Response to Nate's "The Last Bit of Home-made Sugar"

The story is about a young man who is walking through the woods and reminiscing about his childhood. He is thinking about an event, a big party called a “stir off,” that his family held every year during his childhood. They stopped holding these parties as the children became older and uninterested in them. He then visits his grandfather before finally walking to his uncle’s cabin. The peaceful get together is broken when the protagonist’s uncle gets a phone call and dashes from the door, yelling that a neighbor has had a heart attack. The boy is forced to break into the neighbor’s house as the garage his neighbor is in is locked. They pull the dying neighbor into a car and drive to the hospital, but the car gets stuck in the snow and the boy is forced to push it free, narrowly dodging the car as it slides back down the road. The car catches and drives off without him, leaving the boy alone in the snow and the fate of the man unknown.
The story is thick with description and lets the reader know what just about everything looks like. It is a clear scene that the boy, through first person, delivers. This sits well with the little bit of dialogue that is in the piece. It seems casual and natural. I also liked the last line. It fit well with the thoughts that had been going through his mind before the incident occurred.
The story had a few punctuation errors along with some grammatical errors. The sentence structure also felt awkward. This is coupled with some short, choppy sentences, some of which felt either unnecessary or like they could be combined with other sentences. There were also a couple of inconsistencies here and there that need to be fixed.

Response to Laurel's "Deception"

My take on the story is that it is about an aging couple who seem to be distancing themselves from each other, something the wife, Marcy, doesn’t seem to be too happy about. It opens up with them just out and about when a neighbor tells them that there have been some nasty break-ins in the neighborhood and they should be wary. Marcy then wants a dog but her husband refuses and soon leaves for a trip. She discovers this is a hoax and becomes depressed. It is when she is alone that someone decides to break into her home. She hides and the person shoots the bed where she once was. Soon after, another person enters and the two kill each other. Marcy discovers the first man was her husband, who’d decided to kill her rather than divorce her for his mistress, while the other man was the burglar that they’d been warned about. She decides to sell the house and her husband’s practice and buys two dogs.
One thing I really liked was the ending, mostly the final line. You could feel the spite yet there was a bit of triumph in her voice. I also liked that it wasn’t just the burglar breaking in at the end, but the husband attempting to get rid of her. I found it to be an interesting twist.
Something that did really stick out to me was some grammar and punctuation mistakes. This goes along with some awkward structuring too, which slowed the story down sometimes and made it feel awkward at times. Another suggestion, though feel free to ignore this one, is that I think you could do this story in first person. It could give you a chance to show Marcy’s take on discovering her husband’s affair in a more in-depth way.

Response to Aimee Bender's "Off"

The story is about a selfish conceited girl who is out trying to achieve a goal she imposed on herself at the party. She wants to kiss three guys, a goal that is made evident from the beginning as the narrator states it from the get go. The story follows her effort to achieve this goal but also explores her past and her spiteful personality. Maybe spoiled would be a better word. In any case, the story is told from a first-person perspective. The girl tells the reader that she is going to kiss these three types of guys and makes it clear that she’s not extremely picky when it comes to whom she is kissing, she’s only going for what is easiest for her. While she is going through the party, searching for her victims, she gives her commentary on people at the party and, in a way, life in general. Not much (if anything) of what she says comes off as nice and she seems to be no more than a spoiled brat in some cases. Underneath that, the reader can eventually see that the narrator seems to be reaching out for attention through her actions. She is mad that someone can recall something from her childhood that she can’t but can’t remember that she was “really good at painting”. This eventually culminates into the childish stunt of stealing everyone’s coat at the party just so one person will come look for her (which would be her last victim). When she is discovered, her act is shrugged off as nothing more than a drunken incident and she is, for the most part, ignored by the rest of the people at the party, including her would-be victim, who is more interested in another girl. This sends her into a small breakdown that she is brought out of by an old boyfriend (who was coincidentally her second victim).

Response to "The Love of My Life"

The story was well-crafted and played off the teenage dream of love but the dream takes a very…sad turn when the couple gets pregnant. The two of them decide to get rid of the baby in a rather grotesque way. They are found out and arrested then sent to prison. The relationship takes a downward turn at this point. The two see faults in one another they never saw before. Aside from the story, the author provides a great amount of detail and paints a very clear picture of the two young lovers’ lives. It helps pull you into the illusion of the “perfect” teenage love. This helps show the downward spiral of their relationship during the pregnancy and after the baby is born. You see them steadily growing apart toward the end as they go through prison and the trial against them. The beginning of the story is filled with a euphoric daze but the couple is brought down to earth with pregnancy. With this turn, a sense of dysphoria permeates the remainder of the story. The boy has taken to drinking to ease the pain when he is told that his lover would be testifying against him, which leaves him (unsurprisingly) shocked. It ends with the young girl looking back over the relationship, still seemingly lost in love and broken by the events that lead her to this point in her life.