Response to Nate's "The Last Bit of Home-made Sugar"

The story is about a young man who is walking through the woods and reminiscing about his childhood. He is thinking about an event, a big party called a “stir off,” that his family held every year during his childhood. They stopped holding these parties as the children became older and uninterested in them. He then visits his grandfather before finally walking to his uncle’s cabin. The peaceful get together is broken when the protagonist’s uncle gets a phone call and dashes from the door, yelling that a neighbor has had a heart attack. The boy is forced to break into the neighbor’s house as the garage his neighbor is in is locked. They pull the dying neighbor into a car and drive to the hospital, but the car gets stuck in the snow and the boy is forced to push it free, narrowly dodging the car as it slides back down the road. The car catches and drives off without him, leaving the boy alone in the snow and the fate of the man unknown.
The story is thick with description and lets the reader know what just about everything looks like. It is a clear scene that the boy, through first person, delivers. This sits well with the little bit of dialogue that is in the piece. It seems casual and natural. I also liked the last line. It fit well with the thoughts that had been going through his mind before the incident occurred.
The story had a few punctuation errors along with some grammatical errors. The sentence structure also felt awkward. This is coupled with some short, choppy sentences, some of which felt either unnecessary or like they could be combined with other sentences. There were also a couple of inconsistencies here and there that need to be fixed.