Response to Cary Bayless's "Mountain Blood"

       I believe the story is about Chad coming to terms with the loss of his girlfriend after she is murdered and his attempt to move on. The conflict I see is that Chad is still stuck in his memories and is unable to let go and move on. He struggles with these memories and keeping the ring with him helps the reader cement that fact. The ring seems to be his link to these memories and holds him in his dark past. Losing it does help him realize that he needs to move on.
I believe the dialogue works well in the story. Chad and Beau speak as two guys normally would. I also like how their friendship is shown. It feels natural. The first person perspective helped in pulling me in as it felt more personal and not like it was some third party’s way of seeing things. Also, I really liked the fist pump line along with the “better safe than burnt alive” line. I felt the descriptions were well worded as well. I found how Chad lost his girlfriend to be intriguing.
One thing I’d like to see expanded is the relationship between Chad and Beau. Why is he the good friend he is? How long has he known Chad? The serial killer’s motives seem a bit off or just shallow/weak. You also have a couple of corny and clichéd lines here and there. Corny lines aren’t necessarily a bad thing but it caused the dialogue to lose its effect and feel out of place at some points.
All in all, I really enjoyed the story. The narrative was interesting and it flowed well. None of the characters felt like stock characters (unless they were supposed to, like in the case of the officers). I like how you separated the flashback from the story through the use of italics.