The story is about the narrator, named Jeremy, trying to impress a girl, by the name of Ashlyn. He has known her since he’s been in high school. He seems to have a bit of a crush on her, but she does not return these feelings. She seems to have another boy in mind. This plays out as one of the main conflicts of the story and is what drives the boy to do the work on the road later on. Another conflict arises from this when the truck he is using to move dirt becomes stuck in a ditch. This causes him to feel like Ashlyn will never return those feelings for him, at least not because he repaired the road. He finally sees that he must get his dad for help, and Jeremy and his father manage to remove the truck from the ditch. His father tells him he isn’t angry with him. Jeremy sees that his father is not angry but proud to see that he had given some effort.
I really liked your use of first-person in the piece. The way Jeremy spoke was much like inner musings put into a cohesive form. I liked how you showed Jeremy freaking out about the truck and thinking “I [can] fix this.” The perspective used in the story is supported well by the dialogue, which had personality to it. I really liked the use of “dude” and “man” in their speech, typical of most high school students.
I would like the see the story be a bit longer. The ending felt a bit abrupt and I was a little unsure on whether or not Jeremy had really changed by the end of the story. Did he still like Ashlyn and want her to like him or was he giving up on her?
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