The story is about a very unlikable girl who didn’t like the person she’d been in high school so she decided to change herself. She was apparently successful (in a way) and became a very arrogant person. Extroverted and talkative, the protagonist thinks everyone loves her but we see that is not the truth and people instead shy away from her and don’t much care for her company. The girl is unaware of this up until the end when it dawns on her. She calls her old best friend and decides that she wants to change back or at least change into a person that she can like and is liked.
I really think you present an unlikable person very well. I didn’t much like her but I think she was presented well at least. Her arrogance was very clear from the very beginning and it was obvious that the change she had made and the girl she’d become was not good. She was so deep into her fantasy she didn’t see who she was until the end. It made you feel a bit of pity for her disillusion and I really hope she does change for the better.
Throughout the piece, you made extensive use of italics. At first, I thought these were thoughts and wondered if they were why were they in third person. They seem like they are linked to her thoughts but at the same time are told from an outer perspective. I’d take the italics out and change it to normal text and maybe through in a couple of tags for such thoughts.
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