Revised: "Casting Shadows"

   Aganie slapped the book shut and lowered the volume of her music. She looked out the window and toward the swing that hung in the backyard. She’d easily finished all of her homework not long after she arrived home and calling Midori was out of the question since she was busy with her family. She plucked the ear buds from her ears, absently wondering why she even bothered with them when she was the only one home. It would be at least another hour before her father returned home and her mother…
    Aganie pushed the thought from her mind as she walked over toward her desk and set the light novel she’d been reading down. She always fought hard to keep the memory out of her mind, but now it seemed harder to do. After a while, she came up with a distraction and pulled a notebook from a drawer. She tapped her pencil on the desk a couple of times before she finally decided on something.

    The first thing I remember is waking up in what looked like a hospital. There were white walls lined with white beds covered in white sheets. The, I can’t stress this enough, white light poured in through the windows gave the room a very…otherworldly feel. Now I know why.
    I opened my eyes slowly and looked around, regretting the little bit of movement instantly. Pain shot through my head and wincing only made it worse. It felt like that time I fell and slammed my head onto my desk.
    “So you’re finally awake.” It was a deep voice, almost bass in quality. “It’s been seven days. I was beginning to wonder.”
    “Seven…days?” I could barely find my voice.
    “Do you remember your name?”
    At the time, I thought it was a stupid question but it didn’t take me long to realize that I didn’t remember it. Everything was little more than a haze at the moment, and my memories were little more than shadows tucked away in the corners of my mind.
    “Doesn’t seem like you do. Oh well, that is to be expected.” He raised his hand and a pale lady walked up to him. She was wearing a nurse’s uniform…was I in a hospital?  “Go get Kage. We have someone for him to meet.”
    “Ye…Yes sir.” Why was she so nervous? I guess I wasn’t the only one that felt intimidated by this guy.
    I chose this moment to try and lean up. The pain had lessened, but that wasn’t saying much. I was tired of sitting. My short brown hair felt matted to my shoulders and neck and felt brittle. I ran a couple of strands through my hands. They looked burned.
    I pried my gaze from my hair and finally got a good look at the guy. Black overcoat, black pants, even black hair. He also had some long bangs that tipped off in silver covering his left eye like someone from some emo band. His blue eyes were the only thing that was different. His skin wasn’t as pale as the woman’s (or mine for that matter). He actually looked like he got some sun. “My name is Kain, but you shall refer to me as Captain.” His voice echoed in the small space. I didn’t have a voice to fight back with so I just nodded. I don’t think I had much of a choice in the matter.
    “You wanted me, sir?” Great, more people I didn’t know. This boy was different from Kain. Long silver hair ran down to his hips. He also wore black but he wore a vest and baggy pants. Where Kain looked proper, this boy looked rather laid back. Or at least comfortable. His voice wasn’t as tight as Kain’s, though it sounded stressed when he addressed Kain. His face didn’t have the…meanness that Kain’s had either. It was just stoic. There was nothing in his--
    Red eyes. One of the shadows crept forward in my mind when I saw them. The image playing around didn’t quite come to light but it was enough to strike me. Those eyes were familiar to me. Maybe it was that familiarity that caused me to blurt out “Itami!”
   
    Aganie paused for a moment. She was unsure of what exactly to write. She looked up at the shelf above her desk toward the picture of her and her mother three years ago. Aganie held up her normal peace sign with a wide smile, exposing a brilliant row of teeth. Her mother did much the same while draping an arm around her daughter’s shoulder. Aganie couldn’t keep herself from smiling as she looked at it. She looked so much like her mother, something that she prided herself on.
    The picture had been taken not long before the fire had burned their old home down. They’d been a happy family up to that point. Thinking about it always made tears well in her eyes, even after so long. She tried to push it out of her mind but couldn’t.

    I remember the heat. It was so damn hot. The pain was too much, and I’m not really sure how I was able to stay conscious through it. I blinked tears of pain away as I tried to grasp my situation a bit more clearly. My ears were ringing when I opened my eyes. Smoke clogged my lungs and pain continued to blur my eyes. I found out then why it was so hot. My house was on fire and I was lying underneath something that had fallen and pinned me down but I couldn’t really move to see.
    That‘s when I had the realization that I was going to die. Wow, I mean I was only sixteen. I hadn’t even had a boyfriend yet. I know it’s a stupid thought but it was just what hit me at the time. I hadn’t been in any clubs; I didn’t even have many friends. I had just lived a normal school life I’d thought. I went to school everyday then came home. No purpose or reason. With that realization, I let myself fade away. I stared at the flames in front of me. Was this all my life would lead up to? Was this my purpose? To just die?
    That’s when I saw them. Those red eyes staring at me through the flames. It may have just been a hallucination but they seemed real to me at the time. I could feel the glare the cast toward me and the room went cold. I shivered a bit but couldn’t look away from the eyes. For the first time since I’d left primary school, I wanted to call out for my parents. Slowly, my body grew heavy and my gaze was torn away as my head lulled down to the ground. Life crept out of my body, leaving behind nothing more than charred hopes and regret.
    Then came death. It’s one memory I wish I could let go of but I can’t. It creeps up on me some nights. Some people say it’s painless, but those people are lying. I remember the pain as I gasped for air, as the debris crushed me. Knives of pain shot through me and my chest felt like it was being crushed.
    Oh, and that white light everyone talks about? Yeah, that’s a lie. There is nothing. Because death is not the end like everyone thinks but looking back, I really wish it was.
   
    Aganie had always felt guilty after the fire. She and her father survived and, with the help of Midori and her family, had managed to begin anew. Things were never really the same between her and her father though. They didn’t talk or spend nearly as much time together as they had before the fire. He didn’t become an alcoholic or abusive. He became distant and always concentrated on his work. In a way, it felt as though he’d come to dislike being around his daughter.
   
    The memory had crashed into me so fast that I had forgotten where I was. I didn’t notice the two had stopped talking to stare at me until the boy said, “What?”
    “Itami. It’s my name.” I don’t know why I was so sure. Don’t get me wrong, I remember everything now, but then I couldn’t remember anything. My name had slapped me hard in the face, figuratively of course, along with the memory that had hit me. In that moment, I saw Kain tense up. Only for a second but enough for me to notice.
    After a moment of silence, Kain looked at the boy and said, “Well then, Ms. Itami shall be your problem for now. You will train her. I expect good results.” With that, Kain left us alone.
    The boy looked at me for about a minute, I could feel my face getting red from the scrutiny, before speaking. “My name is Kage. Kage Hikari.” Kah-geh huh? Maybe he was from Japan as well. His expression may have been stoic, but his voice sounded like he was trying to put me at ease.
    “Where am I?” My voice didn’t sound so meek now.
    He hesitated. “The infirmary.”
    “Oh yeah,” something else came back to me then, “I was in a fire.”
    Kage looked uneasy for a moment. He tried to hide it I know but it’s easy to see emotion on a face that usually has none. “What?”
    “I was in a fire. Did you two rescue me? You don’t look like firemen.”
    He lowered his head. “Not exactly. You see,” he looked away but his expression didn’t change, but his eyes started wondering, unable to look at me. It seemed like he was having trouble saying something. I guess he expected me to already know. “You’re dead.”
    “Yeah right. Please I’m sitting here talking to you. How can I be dead?” Apparently, denial makes us sound arrogant.
    “Look outside, you’ll see.”

    I was dead. What else could I be? At least that’s the only thing I could say now. The world here had a very different feel to it. I’m not sure how to describe it. It was the air; it felt heavier, harder to breathe. Maybe it was just the air. My body felt different too. A bit lighter, not weightless. It was more like I could move better after I’d recovered. More precise. At first, I didn’t want to believe Kage, but what else can I say?
    He told me that I was now a Shinigami. A death god of all things. I didn’t get a choice? Did they not even care what I think? Looking back, that was all I wanted: a choice. I didn’t get to live the life I’d wanted, make the choices I wanted (Not that I‘d really been making any choices). Up until my death, I suppose I’d been going through the motions. Only going to school, not really making any friends or joining any clubs. Just someone in the background. Now, even in death, I’m led down a road that I didn’t get to choose. With how things were going, I felt little more than powerless.
    I wondered just what was in store for me as Kage led me through the blinding white light.
    The world beyond didn’t seem that much different than home at first. We had been in a small bunker like building that looked like it was made from white stone. The other surrounding buildings were similar except much taller. It felt a little intimidating at first, like being in the middle of a big city. I‘d never seen any buildings that reached over three stories in height. I didn’t like it. Big towns always made me feel uneasy; they were too crowded and had too many people.
    I guess I looked uneasy because Kage asked me if I was okay. I nodded in response but I don’t think he believed me, probably cause I didn’t smile back or something. It also didn’t help that I most likely looked pale, then again, I always look pale. It was fine if he didn‘t believe me. I don’t think a person should take news that they had just died pleasantly anyway. He told me it would get easier, but I can’t say I believed him at the time. I still don’t think of it as easy. But then, life isn’t all that easy either.
    We walked into one of the taller buildings, and he led me down a long hallway filled with doors on either end. Apparently, this was a dormitory. His room was nothing more than a tiny just big enough for a bed, desk, a drawer and a chair. Sunlight poured in from a small window. As I was reveling how small the room was, Kage told me that I would be staying here with him for a while.
    “What?” I was more than a bit surprised. How could two people fit here?
    “It‘s all right, I’ll sleep either on the desk or just lean on the wall. I’m used to it,” was his light-hearted response. I think he was missing the point. Not only had I not had a boyfriend, I didn’t have much experience with talking to them. Now I had to share a room with one? I wanted to fight back but I couldn’t think of anything to say. “It’s only for a couple of days while we situate your room. You’ll be getting your own as well.” That put me at ease. At least I wouldn’t be here long.
    He pulled out what looked like a robe from the drawer and told me to follow him. We walked back down the hall. He eventually stopped and said, “Here’s the shower and a change of clothes. You can use today to rest but we start training tomorrow.” With that, Kage gave me some privacy.
    I spent a lot of time in the shower, the warm water rinsing away what little life was clinging to me. Death had set in. I wondered if I should cry as I leaned against the stall door. A little later, I decided to return to the dorm and sleep but only after the water had become cold enough to snap me out of my trance.
    I felt tired despite having been in that hospital bed for seven days. The bed accepted me graciously and felt almost like a cloud. I lied in the bed for a long time, staring up at the ceiling. Moonlight poured in and I wondered if there was a moon in the sky. I was barely aware that Kage was in the room, sitting in the window sill as he slept. Soon, I fell asleep as well.
    I did not expect to have was dreams, but one came to me that night. It was of when I was alive I assume. It was me sitting in class, the clattering of desks and chattering of students all around me yet I was all alone. When I was little, my parents didn’t let me go out much. They were afraid to let me run around too much without their supervision, fearing I might get kidnapped. I blame that for my shyness. I was never really good around people and because of that, I became the weirdo that sat in the back of the classroom, reading manga or drawing these weird things I’d seen in the forest. Demons maybe? I tried to tell some of the other girls in class, but that was met with, “You saw a what? Don’t you think you’re a little too old to be believing in things like that?” Later on, I just stopped talking to people all together and they returned the favor. No one liked what they didn’t understand. I guess I was one of those things.
    School wasn’t much fun. I didn’t join clubs nor did I have anyone to talk to. My grades weren’t bad but I didn’t care much about that. School was pretty much just something to do to me. There was no purpose, no reason for me to make that trek every day. So why did I?
    That pulled me from the dream. Life was still fuzzy to me but the little bit I did have didn’t seem too favorable. If that was the case, why did I feel like I missed life? Now I think it was because I never got the chance to change that. My life had been dull but it always seemed like there was plenty of time to change. Not anymore.
    Aganie sat in the back of the classroom and scribbled across the pages of her notebook. Midori walked toward the back and sat on top of the desk next to her. “You seem to be hard at work on something. Are you writing something else now?”    Aganie paused for a moment and looked at her friend, who flinched. “What’s wrong?”
    “What? Nothing’s wro…” Aganie trailed off.
    “Oh yeah, well if that’s the case, what’s with the dark circles under your eyes?”
    “That? Sorry I stayed up really late last night.”
    Midori frowned. “Aganie, it’s not about--”
    “No, it’s not. I’m fine. I just had a little trouble sleeping.”
    They sat in silence for a moment. Aganie avoided eye contact with Midori by staring out the window. Midori knew that it was still hard for her friend to be at home sometimes whenever she got like this. After a moment, Midori broke the silence between them. “Wanna come over tonight? You can stay the night if you want.”
    Aganie didn’t turn around. “Sure.”

    By the way, that place I had woken up at was apparently called Sanctuary. I don’t mean the infirmary either, I mean the whole place. The afterlife. Yeah, it did seem peaceful at the time but I still feel uneasy. My nerves never settled there and it always felt like something was weighing down on me. It was anything other than peaceful to me.
    The next day, Kage asked if I felt all right. I’m dead right? How do I respond to that? Either way, Kage led me through some kind of white light, a portal he’d made, and to a new…world. This new place was a lot different. The air was light here, and, for the first time since I‘d woken up, I felt at ease. Maybe it was because the atmosphere didn’t feel so charged. It felt halted, like time had just decided to stop, but at peace at the same time. Like one of those peaceful paintings of a landscape that you see hanging in a museum. A breeze caught the hood of my robe and quickly revealed my face.
    “Welcome to Purgatory.” Kage said. His face featured his, to me at least, trademark lack of emotion as he waved his arm at nothing more than a wide open pasture that was bordered to our left by what looked like a dense forest, the trees stuck so close together that sunlight probably had to fight to reach the ground. The pasture in front of us looked more like the surface of the ocean…well other than the color. I looked up to a pure blue sky blotted only by a couple of clouds. I closed my eyes and basked in the warm sun--
    Wait…Sunlight? I‘d just be going through the motions up till this point but that caught my attention. I searched for a moment until Kage laughed. If I wasn’t so preoccupied, I probably would’ve been surprised by his display of emotion. “Looking for something? A sun perhaps?” he said. That laugh was the only emotion he’d given. His face was more like a blank canvas waiting to be painted on…I take that back. His lips were curling up. Slightly.
    “There is no sun.” I guessed that much from the way he seemed to be laughing at me. “Where are we?” Why are we here?”
    “This is Purgatory. Kind of unsettling at first,” Didn‘t feel that way but I didn‘t have to heart to interrupt him, “but I feel a bit more at home here than I do in Sanctuary. I figured it would be good for you as well.” I guess he felt a bit more at peace here like I did. I could feel the heat in my face with that last remark. I‘d never had someone other than my parents show that kind of concern for me. “I brought you here to start your Shinigami training like ‘Captain’ Kain ordered.”
    “Shinigami?”
    “Yes. Shinigami are like a--how should I put it--police force in the afterlife. We escort the souls of the newly dead to the afterlife as well as protect them from certain…entities. You know, Demons.”
    I remember reading about them in textbooks. I thought they were just some myth created by people in the past. It seemed like more of my memory had come back without my knowing it. “I suppose I don’t get a say in this matter.”
    If Kage frowned, I couldn’t say. His expression became unreadable. It was like trying to read another language that you’ve never encountered before. “I suppose not.” He unsheathed a sword and tossed it to me. I jumped back as it landed at my feet. He formed another blade out of thin air as I pulled the one he’d thrown from the ground. “Let us begin.” Great

    Thankfully, the training didn’t last long. I was so tired by the time we finished, I wasn’t sure if I would be able to walk. Unfortunately, he told me that swordplay was the easy part. That whole trick where he formed a sword out of thin air? Yeah I’d have to learn that. Great. Something else I don’t want to learn. Why did I have to do this? Couldn’t someone else just take my place and learn all this stuff just as easily as I could? What made me so special?
    Those questions continued to bother me until later on that evening. I rolled over in bed and looked at Kage, who sitting in the window much like the night before. He was staring up at the moon with a wistful expression. I almost didn’t want to bother him. “Kage, can I ask you something?” He turned away, his expression becoming the blank slate that I was used to. “Why am I doing all this? Does everybody go through this?”
    He hesitated, “Most.”
    I’d caught his hesitation. “You’re lying. You know, I like to think I’m really good at reading people after all the time I spent drawing.”
    He sighed in response. “Well I guess there’s no hiding it from you. No, not everyone goes through this. Every now and then, we find,” he paused as he tried to find the word for it, “special souls. Apparently, these special souls are well suited to be converted into Shinigami.”
    “What makes me--them so special?”
    “I’m not totally sure. I know one of the signs is that they’re able to see otherworldly things--like Demons and us as well--when they’re alive. Most people can’t. If I’m right, it means that person’s soul is stronger than the average person’s.” I guess that explains all the things I saw behind my house. A memory of my mom telling me that I just had an overactive imagination popped into my mind. Sorry mom, looks like you were wrong.
    Remembering my mom brought along the pain of nostalgia. I could already feel the tears forming. Kage may have noticed because then he said, “Don’t worry about it for now. Why don’t you go to sleep now? It’s been a long day and it’s not gonna get any easier.” I gladly took his advice, wanting nothing more than to get away from the surfacing memories. Day by day, the memories of life were returning to me, but that did little to put me at ease.
   
    It felt good to get out of her home. Aganie sprawled herself out over Midori’s bed while her friend sat at her own desk. Home usually felt like a suffocating cage to Aganie. It felt much better to be at Midori’s than it did her own home.
    “How’s your dad been?” Midori said. She knew it wasn’t a great subject to be on but it was one she brought up often nonetheless.
    “He’s fine I suppose. He spends most of his time at the shop now, though that’s not out of the ordinary.” Aganie’s father ran a convenient store and spent most of his time working there. It seemed almost like he wanted to avoid coming home as much as Aganie did. It wasn’t a big deal to her though. He hadn’t made a big impact in her life before so why should he now? Aganie usually waved it off, but the truth was, she wanted him there. “Can we not talk about this right now?”
    Midori frowned as her friend turned over. “Yeah, okay.”

    When the sun finally woke me up, I looked around and found that Kage was already gone. With a sigh, I moved out of bed. I grabbed a robe from the drawer and walked down the hall toward the bathrooms. After a quick shower, I decided to look around for Kage. I pulled my hair into a ponytail, which barely managed to reach my shoulders, and put the hood on. I was shy when I was alive and I saw no reason for that to change in death. Kage must have had something to do because he was no where in the dorm. I decided to walk into the main building, but before I could exit, I heard a familiar voice.
    “Any news on that Midoriko Sakura?” It was Kain. I hugged the nearby wall. They must’ve been just around the corner.
    “She seems like an ideal choice.” I didn’t recognize the other voice.
    “The Cultivation Program seems to be running nicely.” I could hear the smile in his voice.
    “Kage is training the new one isn’t he? Is that a good idea? After all, I doubt he’ll be happy if he finds out about them. Especially since he’s friends with that one other Cultivated.”
    “The Hell-girl. Shinu wasn’t it?” Kain’s voice seemed distant. “No matter. I don’t much care what Kage does. For now, he will train the new Cultivated girl. It shouldn’t be too hard seeing as her soul seemed especially strong when I killed her.”
    The world beneath my feet wavered. I fell over and that’s when they heard me. Kain clattered around the corner. “Ah, it’s you.”
    “Cultivated. What do you mean ‘Cultivated?’” My voice was shaky.
    “So you heard all that did you?” His eyes bore a hole into mine. They had looked blue when we’d first met but now…I know why Kage’s eyes had shaken me. It wasn’t Kage’s eyes I remembered from the fire though. It was this bastard’s.
    “What am I?” I hope he felt all the anger I meant to project.
    “Nothing more than an experiment. A soul that’s especially strong. We can’t let strength like that get away so I had to,” he paused while he searched for a word, “recruit you.”
    My mind flashed back to the fire that had taken my life. It had started so suddenly, the beam falling at just the right time to trap me under it. “That was you.”
    “Why yes.” The way he talked you’d think killing someone was no big deal. “You see, I couldn’t kill you directly but if you were to die in something like an accident there‘d be no problem. I guess I was lucky there was a fire. I grabbed your soul before it could be damaged and dragged you through Styx, but I guess that didn‘t relinquish you of all your memories.” He grabbed my sleeve, “No matter. Why don’t we go take a swim right now?”
    I could barely feel my body but I knew I had to get away no matter what. I pulled away but his grip was like iron on my robe. He couldn’t take me. I wouldn’t let him. I yanked my arm hard enough that the fabric ripped. When I ran, Kain was left standing with nothing more than a sleeve.
   
    It was always Aganie sitting in the back of the room next to the window. The portrait of a lonely high school girl. She wasn’t some social butterfly. No, that was Midori, but at least she used to talk to people. Now, she just sat in the back and read during breaks whenever Midori wasn’t present, either due to student council duties or to go to the cafeteria for lunch.
    It was hard for Aganie to talk to people her age. Most people thought most of her interests were immature. All they cared about was make-up and boys. Not that Aganie wasn’t interested in those things, too, but they took more of a passive role in her life. So now, Aganie was labeled the weird girl, or “Midori’s friend,” and people tended to leave her alone. That was fine by her. She didn’t care much for the others in her class anyway.

    In the back of the classroom sat a lone girl. The rest of the class had gathered into small groups to eat there box lunches or had left for the cafeteria. But that girl sat only with herself, a small drawing pad in front of her. It should be easy to guess that that girl was me.
    I looked around, saw all the faces, and recognized each one yet knew none of them. In return, they didn’t no me. I was fine with that though wasn’t I? There was no reason for me to know these people right? So why did it hurt so much to be alone? Maybe I don’t really want to be alone, yet I didn’t know how to interact with these people.
    “Are you alone?” I turned toward the voice. A girl in the same sailor uniform I was wearing was staring back at me. She had brown hair like mine, though her hair was a bit longer, and a sliver of a smile on her face. I noticed her green eyes were looking toward the small notebook that served as my drawing pad. “What’s that?”
    I quickly covered it with my hand, “Nothing.”
    “Aw, don’t do that, it looked neat.”
    “Wha…really?” That was the first time anyone had had that response. “It’s just some strange animal I saw in the forest.”
    She studied it for a moment. “Seems to large to be an animal though.” That was the same thing I’d thought. She smiled “Oh! I got it. Maybe it’s a demon.” She laughed a little bit under her breath but stopped once she realized I hadn’t joined her. “Sorry. I thought that would lighten up the mood a bit.” There was silence for a moment before she tried again. “Why do you always sit by yourself?”
    “Because no one really wants to talk to the girl who reads manga and draws these weird…demons all day.” I felt a bit angry at her for not knowing even though it wasn’t her fault.
    “That’s not true. I’m talking to you aren’t I? C’mon, are you just gonna sit here and let life pass you by? If you just sit here and don’t assert yourself, you’ll be left with nothing more than regrets in the end.”
    “What’s the point?”
    “Point?” She crossed her arms. “There is none. There doesn’t have to be.”
    “Then why should I try to fit in?”
    “I didn’t say you had to fit in. You may not be normal to them but so what? This,” she pointed to the drawing pad, “is your life. This is normal for you right? There doesn’t have to be a reason for you to be you.”
    I stared back at this girl. Was she serious? Yet I couldn’t help but feel like she had a point. That made me realize something else. I wasn’t powerless. It wasn’t that I had no control, it was that I had chosen this. I made myself endure this loneliness in life, but now I couldn’t change that. I could change one thing though.
    After a moment, I looked up at the girl, “Who are you?”
    She smiled gently back at me and, I have to wonder if this was coincidence or just because I’d heard Kain say it, she said, “Midoriko Sakura.”
    Aganie sat alone at her desk once again. It was the early afternoon, just after school had let out. As usual, Midori was busy at school and couldn’t hang out, leaving Aganie all by herself yet again, but she didn’t feel lonely. Not as lonely as she felt she should have anyway.
    Imaginary friends are something that kids make up when they’re young to avoid being lonely. Aganie was no different, for the most part. She’d had one of course, and she eventually out grew it. After her mother died, however, she felt lonelier than she’d ever had. She thought it was weird that people would talk to themselves whenever they were thinking about something or were bored, yet she couldn’t stop herself from doing it. Eventually, she just tacked on a personality to this voice that she spoke to.
    Her shadow. That was how she thought of it at first. It was her, but not her. An opposite. Eventually, she started calling it, him, Kage. It became a voice of reason for her, like her conscience speaking out to her. If it wasn’t for it, she probably would’ve given in to her depression long ago. Thoughts of suicide followed her for awhile after her mom died but Kage always convinced her it was stupid. Always. It was there for her when Midori wasn’t and kept her sane through everything. It was a weird way of coping she knew, but it was a way that worked for her.
    Maybe it was because of Midori’s words, but even it was telling her to talk to her dad. How could she? “How?”

    When my eyes opened, I found myself in the familiar field of Purgatory. I dunno if that was a flashback or dream but it helped me gather my thoughts. Wondering how I’d managed to get here, I sat up and noticed that I had absently stumbled into the field where Kage and I had been the day before. I could see the swords we’d been training with stuck into the ground. Rays of sunlight poured down onto the meadow from the sunless sky.
    “You ran. Why Itami?”
    I knew who it was so I didn’t even bother turning around. Slowly, I stood up and walked toward the tree that our swords were standing next to. “Kage.”  Even knowing the real reason, I still had to ask. “Why are you here?”
    “I was sent to retrieve you. I’m asking why I have to come get you. Why did you run Itami?” That reminded me. He didn’t know about me. About any of the Cultivated. Kain must’ve kept Kage in the dark. But what about the Hell-girl? Wasn’t she his friend? Why didn’t he know?
    “Kage, this is no time to talk. Let’s get her and get back to Sanctuary.” A short girl walked out from behind the tree and joined Kage. I probably barely came up to Kage’s nose but she probably only came up to his chest. She was wearing a robe that had a hood, which was draped over her head.
    “You…You must be the Hell-girl,” I said.
    “I don’t think we’ve had the chance to become acquainted.” She didn’t smile. Her face was almost as stoic as Kage’s (if that’s even possible). “Shinu Shiro.” I’d have to guess that’s her name. Whatever. It’s not important.
    Kage. Shinu. Even me. We are Shinigami. We’re supposed to protect souls right? We protected life. Heck, in essence, I suppose we would be life. Though it seems that some of us are not entitled to life. Some of use are only given the choice to embrace death. Isn’t that why I’m here now?
    I wanted to hate all of them for what they’d done. I couldn’t though. The person in front of me was oblivious to whatever Kain had planned. Kage was being used the same way I was. Killing innocent people they viewed as “special” just so they could recruit more Shinigami. Maybe they needed more I dunno, but that does not mean the ends justifies the means. I couldn’t go back, would not go back.
    So you came to get me, huh, Kage? You and the Hell-girl. Kain sent you to get me knowing I couldn’t fight you. Kain’s plan wouldn’t work though. I would end this here. I looked around, trying to find it, knowing I had left it here. I found the sword planted in the ground next to the tree. I pulled it out. I saw surprise and pain flash across his face, before he quickly returned to his normal stoniness.
    “Kage, how did you die?” I said. My voice shook.
    I could see his face tense up. He wouldn’t look at me and his shoulders squared. “I don’t remember.” His voice also wavered. He was lying. Why?
    “Did you know Kain killed me? Caused the fire that took my life? He said I was something called a Cultivated. Just like Shinu.”
    “The what?” He turned back to his hooded friend. “Shinu, is she telling the truth?”
    It was the first emotion I’d ever seen flash across either of their faces. She looked…scared? Her eyes widened and she frowned. “Yes. I wasn’t really killed like she was but…” Why did she trail off like that?
    “So I won’t go back.” I pointed my sword at him. “You can’t take me back.”
    “Is this the way it‘s gotta be, Itami?” Kage asked.
    Shinu apparently had a scythe on her. Seriously, where did that come from? “Kage would you like me to handle this?”
    Kage motioned for her to stay back. “No, Shinu, it‘s fine.” He hesitated slightly as he went to pull his blade from the sheath. He readied his blade. This wouldn’t take long.

    I figured it wouldn’t take long anyway. Kage dodged and blocked as though we were still training. I felt like a four-year-old recklessly swinging a stick around at a bully who was trying to take her lunch money. It’s like he was holding back. Maybe he wasn’t as into this battle as he said.
    “Kage, stop messing around.” That was Shinu. She was standing in the shade of a tree. She blended in so well I almost thought she was no more than a shadow. “Finish this. Kain isn’t as patient as Mistress Izanami.”
    “Then let us finish this quickly.” That was me. I rushed forward, ready to drive the sword through Kage’s chest-except I didn’t want to. I couldn’t, but at the same time I couldn’t make myself stop. I didn’t hate Kage. He‘d become my best friend, my only friend actually, in the short amount of time I‘d known him. I didn’t want this. This probably seemed like little more than a tantrum.
    And then, our blades met.
   
    Blood. There wasn’t really all that much to tell the truth. Not at first anyway. Slowly, blood trickled down to the ground. Only it wasn’t mine.
    Kage had pulled back his blade at the last second and the sword came within mere inches of my chest, but his sword didn’t pierce me. So why were we stuck together? My blade hadn’t pulled back. I had charged forward and crashed into him. Now, the onyx blade was stuck just beneath his left clavicle.
    “You…asked how I…died right?” Kage said. He was trying hard not to wince. Actually, I think there was a hint of a smile on his face. A small one. “Suicide. I killed myself. It had nothing to do with them.”
    What? Why? “Then why do you work with them?” I stared at the tip of his blade, which stood only a couple of inches from my chest.
    “I…I…”
    “He has to. He has no choice. Just like you. Fight it all you want but you have to come back,” Shinu said.
    No. No I don’t ever have to return to that place. I won’t. That is my choice. I won‘t be used by Kain. I may have just let myself get caught in the flow when I was alive, but not now. “You’re wrong.” I pushed forward, plunging Kage’s sword through my chest. Yeah. It hurt. I mean bad. But I didn’t much notice it. “This is my choice. I won’t go back.” Not that I could. I don’t know if I had been impaled all the way through, but I think it got the job done.

    Everything fell away after that. My memory becomes fuzzy from that moment on, but I can still remember Kage slowly picking me up. He told Shinu to leave, or I think he did cause I didn’t hear much from her. “Where…are…yeah,” I managed to say. Stupid.
    “Just bear with me a bit longer.” His voice sounded strained. I wondered how his wound was. It couldn’t have been bothering him too much if he was carrying me through the woods. I hope I wasn’t too heavy…
    Something wet. Where were we? “Itami, I’m sorry for everything you had to go through.”
    “Kage, why are you apologizing?” I hope that came out right. I may as well have been drunk for how coherent I was.
    “I was your teacher yet I did little more than hurt you in the end. I’m sorry.”
    “Then do me a favor Kage,” I tried to remember her name, “Midoriko Sakura. Don’t let her become another me.” I felt like I was floating in water. Was there a lake in the forest?
    “Yeah okay,” I think he nodded. In my condition I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t sure exactly what I had set into motion, but I didn’t care. Kain’s “Cultivation Program” needed to be stopped and Kage was the only one I trusted at this point to stop him. He was silent for a minute. I reached up to touch his face. Were those tears? “I’m so sorry.”
    “This is the how it’s gotta be, Kage.” I couldn’t hold my hand up anymore. It felt back into the water. I suppose there really was some sort of lake.
    “Sayonara, until we meet again, dear Itami.” He let me go and I slowly descended into the water. My body wouldn’t move and I couldn’t respond, but I returned his sentiment.
    Sayonara, my shadow.

    Aganie tapped her foot, waiting for Midori to finish reading. She silently cursed at her friend for  being such a slow reader. Then again, not everybody spent as much time reading as she did. It wasn’t a habit she was too inclined to break either. The two of them sat with their desks together in the classroom. There were only a few more minutes left in the lunch break and Itami wasn’t sure if she could wait the rest of the day for the verdict.
    “Ah,” Midori finally flipped the last page and looked up at her. She looked a bit concerned, “Am I really that annoying?”
    “What?” Aganie felt her shoulders sag.
    “Midoriko. Did you think I wouldn’t notice?”
    Aganie shot her the look, letting her know just how annoyed she was. “That’s not the point, stupid. What did you think?”
    “Geez, calm down. I thought it was all right for your second attempt. I guess reading all those light novels helped a bit, but, really, did you have to make her draw?”
    “What’s wrong with that?”
    Midori laughed, “Please, Aganie. You can barely draw a good stick figure. What makes you think the Itami in here would do any better?”
    Aganie wadded a sheet of paper up and threw it at her friend, who only laughed in response. They sat in silence for a moment before Midori leaned over her seat toward Aganie. “Why don’t you show this to your dad?”
    “Like he’d want to see it.” Aganie turned away, laying her head on her desk and peering out the window.
    “You never know. I bet he’d really be interested. C’mon, Aganie, it’s worth a shot.”
    Silence. Then the bell rang, signaling the end of the lunch break. Through all the yammering of students and clattering of desks and chairs, Midori heard Aganie mumble, “Okay.”