Response to Kody's "Whatever Gods May Be"

The story follows Thomas Abrams as he becomes the preacher (or pastor) of  Pinewood Christian Church. He is a bit nervous at first but he falls into the routine eventually. Later on, he and his wife start to expect a child and this causes Thomas to launch into a study of the Bible’s fathers. After studying Abraham, he calls up a friend and discusses their faith a bit. His studies continues and doubts arise in Thomas. These studies and other events in his life put a lot of strain on his faith. Eventually, he makes a not so favorable sermon that leads him to leave his post the next as he seems to have lost his faith by the end. His son is born soon after and they name him Thomas.
    I thought you handled the arc very nicely and I liked how you showed a subtle change at first, with the sprouting doubt leading up to the eventual renouncement at the end. It made it feel believable. Also, this is just a small thing, but I really like the line Bert says, the “No, the truth has always been there. We just get closer to discovering it.” Don’t really have a reason as to why I liked it, it just stuck out to me.
    The major issue I had with the story is that the paragraphs just seemed a bit long, with some covering over half a page and the longest one being a page. It made the story feel a bit tiring to read and slow. With that, there were some details that were a bit unnecessary, one example being “The swing in the gazebo swung itself to a stop”.

Response to Cole's "Secret Park"

The story revolves around a man who is about to turn thirty and has reconnected with two old friends from high school to try and get himself into better shape. They decide to put the narrator through a routine at an old park they used to frequent. The narrator seems to be at least a bit surprised at the activity the park has gained over the years since it seemed to have gone unknown for a long time. His friends arrive and he spends most of his time either jogging around the track or doing either sit-ups or push ups. By the end of the routine, the protagonist is exhausted and seems like he is ready to keel over when he notices his friend lying on the grass. The narrator finally collapses to his knees in the grass but not from exhaustion. We see that his friend has collapsed from anaphylaxis.
    I found it peculiar that the protagonist rattled off random city names (which quickly became the names of actors) to get himself through the final part of the routine. A rather…interesting quirk. I liked some of the descriptions the narrator gave while going through the exercise, such as “my heart started to pound against my stressed lungs, struggling to feed my body more oxygen.” It really made me feel how grueling this routine was for him.
    The story felt like it ended rather abruptly. I didn’t really see much off an arc and the ending felt like it was cutting off at the halfway point. Also, I’d like to see more about how the park played a role in the characters’ lives. It seems to become nothing more than a backdrop before too long. This could go along with maybe a bit more background for them. They seem like they were good friends but seem to have grown apart. Why?

Response to Jessica's Untitled

Andy, the main character in this story, is staying up late trying to write a story for her class the next day. She seems to have trouble focusing and has yet to type anything, the Word document in front of her being little more than a blank page. To add to this, she seems to have trouble coming up with any ideas to make an interesting story. She wanders the kitchen, makes a list for groceries, but ultimately just stares at her computer. This writer’s block forms the main conflict of the story as she paces around the kitchen. She is met by one of her more unpleasant roommates and entertains the idea of writing about an irritating roommate, but this idea only lasts a second before it is scrapped. YouTube and TV hold her attention for the next few hours as she continues to procrastinate well into the morning. She finally decides to write on her experiences that night, writing about a girl named Jess who couldn’t write a story. It goes untitled (much like the actual piece) and Andy hands it in at the end.
    I liked the main character, Andy, and just the situation in general. It’s very relatable. Her (rather comedic) methods of procrastination are actually quite similar to mine. I also really liked the ending and the girl that Andy chose to write about (I found it humorous).  Also, I found the line she quipped to her roommate rather funny. Don’t know why just did.
    One issue that stuck out to me was the way time passed in some instances. The jump from the beginning’s eleven to two o’clock seemed rather drastic. Maybe that is just me though. It seems like she spent a lot of time walking around the kitchen and the encounter with the roommate doesn’t seem like it would have taken that much time.

Response to Once in a Lifetime

The story was about a girl who is looking back at a time of her life. She remembers seeing the members of a family that her family was friends with off. Years later, the same family friends return and ask to live with the narrator’s family. The girl has to give up her room, something she isn’t too excited about at first. The family arrives and the girl and her parents are amazed to see how much they have changed. The friends have become more “American,” which the girl and her parents aren’t too happy about. She sees the boy she’d known years before and notices how much he’s changed over the years. She becomes enamored with him, causing her to forget all of the other crushes she’d have since then. As the days pass with the house guests, the host family becomes more irritated with the way their guests have become: self-indulgent and wasteful. The narrator is eventually taken out to the woods behind, where her friend reveals that his mother is actually dying. She breaks down crying but never tells her parents. Eventually, the other family moves out and the girl’s family never learns about the mother’s illness.
    The story was told from first person, a nice perspective which gave great insight to the girl’s personal thoughts and just how awkward she felt with the other family invading her home. There are long paragraphs taking up the bulk of the story with lots of details. The detail is nice but at the same time it can at times be a bit excessive and starts to feel a bit tiring the further you read through the story. It also seems strange that a story written from an Indian perspective makes very few cultural notes when they say that the other family has become American. 

Response to Cary's "Meow"

I assume the story is about an autistic boy named Cyril. At the beginning, he is in someone’s home (a person he apparently knows) uninvited. He is abruptly kicked out soon after the beginning of the story. He wonders down to the Captain D’s restaurant, counting each step along the way, all four hundred steps. He meets his friend Earl there at the restaurant and the two sit together outside while Cyril eats and Earl smokes. Earl tells him to go find the stray cat that stays around the restaurant, Jimmy-cat. Cyril finds the cat behind the dumpster with strange things crawling around on its stomach. He becomes scared and calls for Earl as he counts to himself. We find out from Earl that Jimmy-cat has had kittens, making it more of a “Jasmine-cat.”
    I think you chose a very creative stand point to tell the story from. It’s very similar to The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime (the way the main character continually counts when he’s nervous or to keep track of things made me think about it) which tells its story in the same way. It made for a very unique way to tell the story and gave an interesting view point. 
    To tell the truth, while I thought the way you told the story was very interesting, I was unsure of the change that occurred within the story. The biggest change seems to occur to the cat but I don’t really see how the main character changed at the end, though this may just be because he still called the cat by a boy name and didn’t really seem to acknowledge what Earl said about it’s gender, but I think the biggest change would occur when the cat has its kittens.

Response to Laurel's "Perfect"

The story is about a very unlikable girl who didn’t like the person she’d been in high school so she decided to change herself. She was apparently successful (in a way) and became a very arrogant person. Extroverted and talkative, the protagonist thinks everyone loves her but we see that is not the truth and people instead shy away from her and don’t much care for her company. The girl is unaware of this up until the end when it dawns on her. She calls her old best friend and decides that she wants to change back or at least change into a person that she can like and is liked.
    I really think you present an unlikable person very well. I didn’t much like her but I think she was presented well at least. Her arrogance was very clear from the very beginning and it was obvious that the change she had made and the girl she’d become was not good. She was so deep into her fantasy she didn’t see who she was until the end. It made you feel a bit of pity for her disillusion and I really hope she does change for the better.
    Throughout the piece, you made extensive use of italics. At first, I thought these were thoughts and wondered if they were why were they in third person. They seem like they are linked to her thoughts but at the same time are told from an outer perspective. I’d take the italics out and change it to normal text and maybe through in a couple of tags for such thoughts.

Response to Rhamah's "Cats"

The story follows a person who is working in a cat store called Kitty City. It opens with the protagonist and what I’m guessing is the boss (the Cat Lady) observing how shameful it is that six kittens have been abandoned by their owners at such a young age. The reverie is broken when a couple and their daughter come into the store. They wonder around and look at all the cats, their daughter poking her hands into each cage as she passes. They stop at one cat’s cage (Lily) and almost pick her until they notice she only has one eye. The story ends with a young boy coming to find a cat. He almost chooses to take Lily until she attacks him.
    I liked the sort of sarcastic tone that the protagonist speaks in during the story. There are several spots where you can feel the “Yeah right” in the voice. I also liked the attention to detail with the cats. The image of hair everywhere and the constant smell of crap was presented well. I also liked how you compared the kid’s fingers to sausages as she reached into the cats’ cages.
    I really didn’t see the change in the story. I figured it was about the person working there, going through the motions of their everyday job. I didn’t really feel the conflict and change in the story at any other time than when Lily attacked the young man. Despite the conflict this caused, I didn’t really see much of a change in the protagonist. They seemed little more than scared by the cat’s outburst. I’d suggest maybe adding a little more to the story because it seems like it ended too abruptly.